Archive for May, 2008

If you have not read the other parts of this sleep training series, I suggest you start at Part 1.

In part 3 of my sleep training series, I went over the Fading method, a no-cry (or limited crying) sleep training method. Today, I will discuss “The Chair Method”. This is the first of what I would call a “crying method”, however, you don’t leave your baby unattended in the room at all. The idea is that you start by doing your normal bedtime routine and putting the chair very near the crib and sit on it while your baby falls asleep. The goal is not to help your child fall asleep, nor help him/her calm down or anything like that. You are generally not supposed to give your child any attention. The reason you are in the chair is only to reassure them that you are there with them. If you have successfully implemented a bedtime routine, your child will very well know what he/she is supposed to do at this moment. Each night you move the chair further and further away from the crib until you are right outside the door, and eventually, when you no longer need the chair, at all.

As you might suspect, this method can be very difficult, depending on temperament, and can take many days or weeks. It can be difficult to avoid engaging with your child and it will likely be a little confusing to the child (particularly younger ones) when you don’t. However, with time and consistency, this can be a good option for parents who do not want to leave their child alone to cry but other methods have not worked, either. As with any sleep training method, it’s important to commit to it 100% for at least one or two weeks before you decide it isn’t working. Consistency is still key!

Continue to Part 5 of this Sleep Training series.

I plan to post a “quick tip” occasionally that will be a quick blog post that has a useful tip pertaining to your child’s sleep. Today’s quick tip is to keep a log of your baby’s sleep for one or two weeks. Log wake times, nap times, nap lengths, and bedtime. Add up the total time baby actually slept (if you are unsure, as long as baby is quiet, count as sleeping). The amount of sleep a child gets in 24 hours stays relatively constant and they will shift sleep from day to night and vice versa (within reason). Once you have your log, you can take the average amount of sleep in 24 hours and use that as a guide when adjusting schedules and setting your expectations on wake-times. For example, if you know your baby gets an average of 13.5 hours in 24 hours and naps 3 hours that day, you can guesstimate (s)he will sleep about 10.5 hours that night. You will likely need to log 1-2 weeks every few months to get an accurate average, as babies change a lot in the first 2-3 years!

Disclaimer: Some babies are more consistent than others. Inconsistent babies might have a large range of the amount of sleep in 24 hours. At least if you keep a log, you know whether this is true or not.

Disclaimer 2: During growth spurts, teething and illnesses, the amount of sleep might be unusually higher or lower. Try to time your logging during a “normal” time. (as much as a baby is “normal”)

For online tracking, you can use Babble Soft. Babble Soft helps you and other caregivers keep track of activities like breastfeeding or bottle feeding schedules, baby sleep patterns, diapers, baby immunization or medicine doses, and baby’s first year photo album. This helps you really get to know your child’s schedule or to show you whether (s)he has one (in the case of inconsistent babies, there just might not be one without your intervention!). Or, you can use good old pencil and paper or track using something like Excel where you can let it calculate the average for you. But, Babble Soft is very affordable and lets you run reports and has charts so you can see information at-a-glance! It’s very easy to use and has a FREE Trial. In addition, they are offering FREE subscriptions to eMail Our Military members as well as access to a discount code for 20% off purchases for non-active military and friends. What a great idea just in time for Memorial Day!

Did you find this Sleep Quick Tip helpful?

In this sleep training series, so far I’ve talked about the importance of a bedtime routine and gone over how you can sleep train while co-sleeping. In part 3 of this series, I will be discussing the “fading” method of sleep training.

Fading, The Method

This method I would consider one of the no-cry (or very little cry) methods. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, when you change the rules how baby falls asleep (usually by breaking a sleep association), it is usually not done without some form of protest. Your baby is sleepy and wants to be sleeping and you aren’t doing what you’ve always done! He or she might get a little mad here! How would you feel if you had to learn to sleep without your pillow? But, with practice, time and commitment we can all learn a new way to sleep.

With this method, you help your baby fall asleep, but you set up “rules” as to how you will slowly take yourself out of the equation. If you think about how you have done most of the work up until this point, now you will develop rules to follow that will shift the “work” to your baby/child. If you have always rocked baby all the way to sleep, you might rock him/her less time and put him in the crib drowsy, but awake and let him/her try to fall asleep on his/her own. If he/she gets worked up, you try to quiet and soothe them using other methods until he/she is asleep. Each night, you do less and less “work” and your baby should do more of it.

How long will it take?

As you can see, this method can take a lot of time and patience on your part. And, depending on the temperament of the child, it might be very difficult to follow it through until the end. But, if you do not want to allow your child to cry alone and you also don’t want to continue the path you’re on now, it’s a great first step! After all, how do you know whether it will work or not if you don’t try it? The amount of time this method will take will be directly related to your ability to be CONSISTENT and your child’s temperament and personality (how strong-willed is he/she and will he/she “outlast” you?). It is imperative that you remain consistent because if you falter 1 hour in, for example, then it will only be that much harder next time. I highly recommend writing down the plan you hope to follow such that you can refer to it and really stick to it 100%.

Does this sound like a good method for you?

I am pleased to announce that the FREE Quick Guide I wrote about last week is now available! You can receive this guide by signing up on our mailing list (Don’t worry, I hate spam as much as you and will never sell your information!). For those who signed up on the mailing list and have not received your guide, please sign up on the mailing list again as I had a technical problem about a week ago. I apologize for the inconvenience. The Quick Guide is a 4-page document outlining a variety of information helpful to parents with challenging sleepers. It’s a short document to give you pertinent information at your fingertips without requiring you to take a lot of time to read it. And, it gives simple instructions to start a sleep training process to help your child sleep.

Topics include quick facts pertaining to:

• How much sleep your child really needs
• Napping and schedules
• Sleep routines
• Explanation of sleep associations
• Night-weaning
• When and how to sleep train
• Descriptions of a variety of sleep training methods (No-Cry to Cry)

If you like the Quick Guide or have questions, you may desire even more detail in the above subjects and more, so please see our e-Book, Detailed Guide to Help Your Child Sleep.

You may also notice a change in the navigation of our site. After some feedback after our initial launch, we decided to make some changes. I hope you like them and I’d love more feedback!

In Part 1 of this series I discussed why it’s a good idea to sleep train your baby and the bedtime routine, your first step. Now I will discuss the various methods to help your child learn how to fall asleep without your “help”.

Co-Sleeping

Co-sleeping is not a “sleep training method”, but I wanted to talk about a way you can sleep train your baby but still co-sleep. Remember, sleep training is not cry-it-out (CIO). You can sleep train without letting your baby cry. Co-sleeping works for many families without any special steps taken, but for some it’s difficult due to the fact their baby wants to nurse all night. Nursing may or may not be the challenge for the mother, but perhaps the fact she can’t go right back to sleep during or after nursing. And, maybe mom and dad want to continue co-sleeping, but not nurse all night.

In some cases, nursing while co-sleeping has become the baby’s sleep association and the key is to break that association. But, how do you do it without letting the baby cry, yet still sleep in the family bed? The key to this dilemma is to help your baby learn to fall asleep without nursing. You will want to move nursing away from the final moment your baby falls asleep, but without replacing one sleep association (e.g. nursing to sleep) for another (e.g. rocking your baby). I include pacifiers as a sleep association. I am not a big fan of pacifiers but know plenty of people who use them and have no problems. But, others become frustrated they are replacing the pacifier 8-10 times per night. At this point, the pacifier has become a hindrance more than a help, so be very careful not to replace nursing with a pacifier. Once baby learns how to fall asleep without nursing, (s)he can start to learn to go BACK to sleep throughout the night, which is true of all sleep associations. This method will take a lot of patience, determination and committment on the parents’ parts, but with consistency, it can work.

Co-sleeping Safety

I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about co-sleeping safety. It gets a bad rep sometimes, but when done properly, it can be perfectly safe. If you feel nervous you are going to roll on top of the baby, an Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper or The First Years Close & Secure Sleeper are great options. Dr. Sears’ website has more tips including put baby next to mom, not between mom and dad, sleep in a large queen or king-size bed, and don’t sleep on a too-cushion-y surface where you might roll over too easily (e.g. waterbed or couch), among other tips. He makes sure to mention not to sleep with your baby if you are severely sleep-deprived where you might be less aware of your baby. Ironically, I would think this is when most people do start to sleep with their baby (if they didn’t plan to from the get-go like me).

When co-sleeping isn’t working

There may be another reason or multiple reasons co-sleeping is difficult for your family. If it’s not working for you, that’s okay. It works for some, but not all. This is not a reflection on you as a parent. Some people are too nervous and don’t sleep well due to worry. I’d say that makes you a caring parent. Some people just can’t go right back to sleep. You have no control over that. Some babies are very active, waking you up all hours of the night. Whatever the reason, if it’s not working for you, don’t let guilt drive you to more and more sleep deprivation, which can lead to unhappiness, stress, and depression. Once you feel ready, you may want to transition your baby out of the family bed. As I always say, well-rested babies make happy babies and well-rested parents make happy parents and happy parents make better parents.

Continue to Part 3 of this series where I discuss the “fading” approach.

I just wanted to share that I am in the process of writing up a document that will consolidate some useful information into one document that exhausted parents can read quickly or for all parents to have useful information at their fingertips. It will include much of the information on this website, but in an easy-to read “cliffs notes” version. It will include information such as how much sleep babies, toddlers and young children really need, why it may not be a good idea to rock your baby to sleep, useful resources to help get more sleep for you and your baby, information on how to sleep train (from no-cry methods to crying methods), when naps get dropped, and more. This information will be available via e-mail. Click here to sign up and receive your copy. The document will be available by Monday, May 19, 2008.

This isn’t a post about just children and sleep, per se, but the ongoing emphasis that healthy sleep habits are important for all of us, adults and children. I was doing some reading and have found that new studies are finding that it was once thought that sleep problems were a symptom of depression, but they are now considering that sleep problems may precede depression. In other words, if you begin to have substantial sleep problems, The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) strongly recommends that you urgently go see a sleep specialist. Depression is the most common form of mental health problem and it now considered as common in children as it is adults. Each year 17 million people suffer from depression and as many as 1 in 33 children may have depression. It is important to determine whether your child or anyone you know has it. Studies of insomnia in children has been shown to lead to depression as they grow older and sleep problems have been linked to increased risk of anxiety and aggression, too.

The suggested treatment for depression in children is a form of psychotherapy called short-term cognitive behavior therapy in which the child is able to learn to view themselves more positively and in some cases, medication is also recommended. But, the FDA, in 2004, strengthened their warning that antidepressants in children can increase suicidal thoughts and therefore doctors should weigh the risks and benefits before prescribing them.

This is all a scary thought. Who knew that my preschooler could get depressed? I sure didn’t. But, antidepressant medication for young children? That is scary too.

What do you think? Can your preschooler or young child be depressed? What do you think about antidepressants for children?

Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!

Why Sleep Train?

The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.

When should you start sleep training?

If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.

Although, it never hurts to try to put down your newborn when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, I do not advocate beginning formal sleep training until at least 4 months old and ideally, I believe it’s easiest during the 4 to 7 month age range. Of course, it’s never too late to help your baby learn to fall asleep unassisted, it’s just as they get older and start to pull up and stand, it becomes a bit more complicated. Once they turn one, they have a stronger will and things can get even harder. As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is. It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night. That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything. Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.

What’s my first step?

Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.

What does a bedtime routine include?

The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out. I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.

You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.

But, first, do you have any special steps in your bedtime routine you’d like to share?

It has dawned on me that some readers might not really know what RSS is when you look at the top right of my website telling you that you can subscribe for FREE via RSS. So, when I saw that it was RSS Awareness Day. This site has a video to show you about what RSS is, but I will put a simple explanation here, too.

RSS, Real Simple Syndication, is a method of broadcasting blog content to its readers. It is an easy way to subscribe to your favorite blogs or websites and be able to read them all in one place as opposed to clicking on each of your many bookmarks of your favorite places. I personally use NetVibes to view all of my “feeds”. Feeds are the subscription. You can think of your “feed reader” (i.e. NetVibes) getting fed all of your favorite blogs’ and websites’ content. There are other feed readers such as MyYahoo and Google Reader, too. I’m sure there are many more, but I’m new to this too, so these are a good start.

Now that you know what RSS is and what it’s used for, you will start to see this on a whole bunch of websites. You can use NetVibes to watch your local weather, start to Twitter, and subscribe to Google News all in one place, for example. And, don’t forget to subscribe to my feed, as one of your first subscriptions.

I am very excited to announce Pick Nick’s Brain has a new look! Thanks to iDesign Studios, the website has been re-designed with a unique look. I love the new design and really appreciate all the hard work the company did for me. It was well worth the investment. The website also has some new sections, too.

Resources

I have now included a Resources page highlighting quite a few products I recommend from books to white noise machines to breast pumps and websites for feeding and breastfeeding.

FREE Weekly Chat

I will now host a FREE Weekly Chat where you can ask me any sleep questions (or not about sleep if you really want to) and I will do my best to answer as many as I can in one hour. Every week I will post when the next chat will be and how to access it.

FAQ

I now have a FAQ page detailing answers to frequently asked questions regarding your child’s sleep.

Advertise

I am now offering Advertising on the website in the sidebar.

Stay tuned for a new Services section in the next month or so. Right now it’s under construction.

I hope you find this website even more informative and I would love to hear feedback on the design! Thank you for reading.