Archive for the ‘Sleep Needs’ Category

I am pleased to announce that the FREE Quick Guide I wrote about last week is now available! You can receive this guide by signing up on our mailing list (Don’t worry, I hate spam as much as you and will never sell your information!). For those who signed up on the mailing list and have not received your guide, please sign up on the mailing list again as I had a technical problem about a week ago. I apologize for the inconvenience. The Quick Guide is a 4-page document outlining a variety of information helpful to parents with challenging sleepers. It’s a short document to give you pertinent information at your fingertips without requiring you to take a lot of time to read it. And, it gives simple instructions to start a sleep training process to help your child sleep.

Topics include quick facts pertaining to:

• How much sleep your child really needs
• Napping and schedules
• Sleep routines
• Explanation of sleep associations
• Night-weaning
• When and how to sleep train
• Descriptions of a variety of sleep training methods (No-Cry to Cry)

If you like the Quick Guide or have questions, you may desire even more detail in the above subjects and more, so please see our e-Book, Detailed Guide to Help Your Child Sleep.

You may also notice a change in the navigation of our site. After some feedback after our initial launch, we decided to make some changes. I hope you like them and I’d love more feedback!

Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!

Why Sleep Train?

The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.

When should you start sleep training?

If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.

Although, it never hurts to try to put down your newborn when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, I do not advocate beginning formal sleep training until at least 4 months old and ideally, I believe it’s easiest during the 4 to 7 month age range. Of course, it’s never too late to help your baby learn to fall asleep unassisted, it’s just as they get older and start to pull up and stand, it becomes a bit more complicated. Once they turn one, they have a stronger will and things can get even harder. As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is. It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night. That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything. Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.

What’s my first step?

Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.

What does a bedtime routine include?

The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out. I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.

You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.

But, first, do you have any special steps in your bedtime routine you’d like to share?

I am working on a sleep training series where I will outline the various methods, from no-cry to cry, but I don’t think it makes sense to write that until I have written out how much sleep we can expect our babies and toddlers to get. If our expectations are too high, we could be trying to sleep our children too often (yes I’m using “sleep” as a verb!) and it will become frustrating for everyone. If our expectations are too low, we might not sleep our children often enough, they may become overtired and irritable, making sleep training more difficult and it will become frustrating for everyone.

How much sleep does your child get now?

The first step you should take is to log your child’s sleep for a week to get an average number of sleep hours in 24 hours and take note how much of it is during the day and how much at night. Only write down times they are actually asleep (or quiet if you’re not sure), not when you tried to get them to sleep.

Some children are very consistent and you can almost set a clock by them, while others are very inconsistent taking different length naps at different times and waking up at a different time each morning. We’ll talk about how to regulate that a bit in a different post, but one thing is for certain and that’s the average amount of sleep in 24 hours stays relatively constant. However, children can and will move sleep from day to night, and vice versa, fairly easily.

How much sleep can you expect from your baby or toddler?

Below is an outline of the average sleeper. By definition, this means some will be on the lower end of sleep needs and some on the higher end. However, it is generally accepted that most babies and toddlers under 2 years old will not need less than 10 hours of sleep at night to be the optimum restoration for their little bodies.

• 6 months and younger: 11-12 hours night, 3-4 hours day in 3-4 naps.
• 6 to 9 months: 11-12 hours night, 2-3 hours day in 2-3 naps
• 9 to 18 months: 11-12 hours night, 2-3 hours day in 1-2 naps
• 18 months to 3 years: 10-12 hours, 1 nap
• 3 to 5 years: 10-11 hours, sometimes 1 nap (most lose between 3 & 4)
• 5 years+: 9-10 hours, no nap

These are just general guidelines. My toddler was still napping at just past two, but then started going to sleep too late at night (9 or 10pm), so we dropped his nap for him, early, to get more night sleep and he started sleeping 12-13 hours at night. Note: I do not recommend dropping the last nap unless absolutely necessary. This was just an example. Combining the averages with your sleep log gives you a starting point in establishing healthy sleep habits. If your child is getting far less than the averages, you will need to take a long, hard look at the reason and determine if it’s healthy or not. Please review the reasons children need to get enough sleep by clicking here.

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In my last post, I discussed Harvard’s findings that less sleep could be linked to obesity, so we know at least one reason you and your child should get enough sleep. Let’s explore other reasons as stated by Harvard Health.

Learning and memory

Have you ever tried to learn something new when you are tired? It’s hard! Well, the old saying goes that “we learn something new every day”. Babies and toddlers are learning new things probably every minute (I might be exaggerating…I didn’t look it up but I know it’s a LOT!). I notice that as the day wanes on, now that my toddler isn’t napping anymore, it is much harder for him to concentrate and learn new things or even do things he already knows how to do like a jigsaw puzzle he has done many times over. I also notice he gets clumsier. Fortunately, overall, he gets enough sleep and is better able to learn and is actually very smart (yes I am partial, but other people tell me too, I swear!).

Safety

I am sure everyone has experienced moments during the day when you practically fall asleep mid-stride. If you are driving a car, operating on someone, or bringing an airplane in for a landing, this could lead to dire consequences if you haven’t gotten enough sleep or are chronically sleep-deprived/fatigued. I remember one mom I helped who said she had run two stop signs (with her baby in the car) because her baby just would not sleep and she (and the baby) were severely overtired. She knew she had to make some changes if only for their safety!

Mood

One reason I don’t make my husband get up at night with the babies (besides the fact I nurse and there isn’t too much he can do anyway) is that if one of us is getting enough sleep, that person (hubby) is better able to “handle” the one who is sleep-deprived and moody (me). My toddler’s behavior and crankiness level change A LOT when he isn’t getting enough sleep. We have many more meltdowns and tantrums.

Illness

You are more prone to illness when you don’t get enough sleep. Your immune system is not functioning at the highest ability. This goes for your baby and toddler too and who wants to get up all night with a sick child? Obviously we won’t be able to ward off all illnesses, but even a few puts a little more sanity back in your favor.

How much sleep children need

Weissbluth’s book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, says that from 4 to 11 months old, babies need about 14 hours in 24 hours, on average (11-12 hours nighttime and 2-3 hours daytime). By two years old, that total is just a bit under 13 and by four years old about 12 1/2. So, you see it doesn’t change very much in the first few years. Ferber’s book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, has slightly lower averages, but fairly comparable. All babies are different and these are just averages, but you can see that babies and children do need a lot of sleep. Adults need 7-8 hours each night. I can’t remember the last time I was able to get 8 for more than one night in a row! Oh yes I can. It was before I had kids.

How much sleep are you and your child(ren) getting?

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