Cry It Out Defined and Age to Do It
Posted by Nicole on August 12th, 2008
If you are unfortunate enough to consider letting baby cry it out (because let’s face it, none of us PLAN to let their baby cry it out when they are still in the womb or anything! It’s typically the last resort for most of us.), many people want to know when it is okay to do it. Some people would answer “never” and that is their right.
Here at Pick Nick’s Brain, I understand that all situations are unique and what works for you might not work for others and what works for others might not work for YOU! I am here to help you develop the plan that will be most likely to succeed based on your baby’s temperament and personality and your parenting style and philosophy. If your philosophy goes against cry it out, simple DON’T DO IT (it won’t work anyway).
First, let me define what I mean by “cry it out” because it means different things to different people.
What Cry It Out Isn’t
- Cry it out is not replacement for feeding when baby can not comfortably sleep all night without food.
- Cry is out is not meant to be used when baby is hungry, wet, very sick, in pain, etc.
- Cry it out does not mean throwing your baby into a room, closing the door and ignoring baby forever and ever.
- Cry it out is not replacement to parenting when baby needs it.
That last one some would say is always true, but I disagree, but we’ll get to that.
What Cry It Out IS
- Cry it out is a sleep training method to break poor sleep associations.
- Cry it out is setting limits on what you will and won’t allow your baby to do (at nap time, all night, etc.).
That’s it! Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night or rock your baby in the rocking chair for 3 hours and then every 2 hours after that (like my son wanted me to do). Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one).
The act of crying does nothing to teach baby to sleep and it won’t change his personality. Cry “it” out is simply letting baby find his own way to fall asleep and allowing him to cry out his frustration about not being able to get that pacifier replaced for the 10th time. None of us get better at something without practice.
OF COURSE, some parents can nurse all night and it works great for them. Others can rock their baby for 10 minutes and he sleeps all night. But, many of us are simply not that lucky. If baby cried being in the car seat, would you take him out while driving because he was crying?
It is hard for many of us to break habits, but the longer you do it, the harder the habit is to break, right?
Cry It Out – What age?
So, what’s the right age to allow baby to cry it out? Once again, this answer will vary. I try to empower parents here on this site. You know your baby best! At some point you know that your baby is very capable of putting herself to sleep, but prefers you to rock, bounce, nurse, etc. her to sleep. There is not going to be a magic age, but one day you will realize what baby once NEEDED to fall asleep, now she simply WANTS it. That is the key to finding the “right” time. You are simply at your wits end and just can’t do “it” anymore.
Having said all that, if your baby’s temperament is “easy”, sometimes all it takes is for you to just get out of the way a little bit and allow baby to fuss for 5 minutes or less and that can be done when he is just a newborn. Aside from a little fussing, I usually don’t recommend finding a cry it out method to formally use until at least 4 months old. The ideal age is usually before 8-10 months. I’ve had parents tell me they feel they waited too long by only waiting until 10 months old. Once baby can pull to standing, it gets harder (but not impossible) and personalities only get stronger, so it’s great to lay the foundation before that time.
How to Cry It Out
There are NUMEROUS variations to the cry it out method and it’s important to be responsible about it. It is unfair to just “snap” one day, let him cry and then go to him the next day, on/off, on/off. You need to make A PLAN. I also never recommend to allow baby to cry it out when she is still swaddled, because they need to find a way to self-soothe by finding their fingers/thumb. Also, you should ensure your baby does not have any health problems by visiting her pediatrician before starting any formal sleep training method such as cry-it-out. If your baby changes sleep patterns abruptly, it can be an ear infection or reflux or another issue, so those should be ruled out, first. Generally, if your baby has had “sleep problems” for several weeks / months and there have not been health issues, that is when you may want to consider the cry-it-out method.
If you are confused about how to go about letting your baby cry it out, please do some reading on this site or buy my e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide which outlines various methods and has pros and cons of each method. It’s a step-by-step guide in helping you through the process and how to achieve maximum success. If you want help developing a plan you can 100% commit to (consistency is key!), I also offer sleep consulting services.
What does Cry It Out mean to you?
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Tags: babies cry it out, babies sleep, babies sleeping, baby and sleep, baby cry it out, baby sleep, baby sleeping, children sleep problems, cry it out method, cry it out sleep, cry-it-out, crying it out, ferber method, ferberizing, healthy sleep habits, infant sleep, letting baby cry it out, newborn sleep, sleep ferber, sleep toddler, sleeping through night, toddler sleep, weissbluth
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December 28th, 2008
Cry It Out is no lnger generally accepted as the best way to “train” babies to sleep. Babies cry for a reason – the job of parents and caregivers is to figure out the reason and provide help for the baby. We have to remember babies are still getting used to a world outside the womb – a world that is not as accomodating as the womb. And some babies take longer than others to self regulate – learn to live outside the womb. Some babies take longer to regulate their temperatures, calm themselves down, learn to sleep for a significant number of hours at one time.
Crying it out for long periods of time can change a baby’s personality – it’s a broken Cycle of Trust. The child cries and no one comes to see what is wrong or take care of the child. The child learns “No one is here for me” This can have significant impacts on the child’s later ability to trust others.
Given all of that – it is definitely true that parents can be completely worn out by a baby who cries for long period of times. Research now shows most babies will stop crying if attended to within 15 seconds of beginning crying. If this doesn’t work, the best thing a parent can do is call another adult for help. A crying baby combined with an exhausted parent is a recipe for child abuse. All parents need other adults to take over for them when they have reached their limit
Warmly, Linda
The Babies Can’t Wait Lady
http://www.bcwlblog.babiescantwait.com
December 28th, 2008
@Linda Thank you for your comment! You are absolutely correct that babies cry for a reason. No one is disputing that. But, sometimes, that reason is not always what’s best for them. For example, a baby may cry being in a car seat because maybe they don’t want to be constrained or they can’t see mommy or some other reason. That does not mean that we should remove them from the car seat while we are driving. Similarly, when it comes to sleep, a baby might cry because he has lost his pacifier for the 10th time of the night and is tired, it’s not always best for him that he continues to use that pacifier as a crutch (or mom rocking him or a bottle every 2 hours, etc.).
All babies are different and I do have an article about cry-it-out and your baby’s personality. Every parent needs to find the right solution for their family. While one baby might fuss for less than 10 minutes, others will cry for a lot longer with stronger intensity. You can’t really say that any one thing damages trust forever, because our relationships are very complex. It is not healthy for babies or families to go without sleep for extended periods of time and it is up to each of us to figure out when we have stepped over the line of “healthy sleep deprivation” (i.e. when a newborn must eat every 2-3 hours all day and night) and when it becomes debilitating to the whole family (i.e. when a 10 month old is still waking every 2 hours for a bottle). There is no one-size-fits-all approach for everyone.
True, a baby might stop crying within 15 seconds if attended to, but replacing a pacifier or giving him a bottle or nursing every 2 hours is not any healthier for the baby or the parents, either. The reason to do cry-it-out is not to stop crying. Crying does nothing to teach a baby anything (see above article). Cry-it-out is one option in helping your child learn how to fall asleep without a crutch he has developed.
I appreciate your comment!
January 14th, 2009
I just wanted to mention something that you seemed to have overlooked in your article…
My son, who once upon a time slept through the night began waking every few hours at 6 months old (a little before, actually). I figured it was the 6 month growth spurt, but instead of stopping, it continued to get worse. I contemplated CIO a few times but just didn’t have the heart to do it. I thought for sure he was only crying because he had gotten into the habit of me nursing him to sleep every time he woke up…
Right before he turned 7 months old, he began waking every TWENTY MINUTES. No joke. It was getting ridiculous. The only way we could get him to sleep longer than that was to drive him around. My husband and I took shifts on the weekend so that one of us was always up so that we could drive our son around so that our son could get some sleep.
We took him to the doctor the day before his 7 month “birthday” and he was diagnosed with reflux.
I know that every mom knows their baby, but sometimes it really is hard to tell if they’re trying to really tell you something or if they’re just upset that things aren’t going the way they expected. I think that is the most dangerous thing about CIO. There really COULD be an underlying cause for the constant wakings. Even if giving back a pacifier (or any other “crutch”) makes the baby go back to sleep, it only means that he was comforted enough to be able to get through whatever it is for the moment… It doesn’t necessarily mean that your baby was ONLY waking BECAUSE of those things… Ryan has always been nursed to sleep, and he was still letting me nurse him to sleep a month ago…
But he wasn’t waking up because he wanted to nurse, he was waking up because he *was* in pain. But when babies can’t verbalize their feelings, it’s just hard telling.
January 14th, 2009
@Erica Thank you for writing. You are 100% absolutely right. I will edit my article because you are correct that you should always take your baby to the doctor if he/she changes habits abruptly and before you start any formal sleep training method, especially cry-it-out. I do recommend parents get the okay from their doctor that there are not any health issues. Typically, the parents I work with have ruled that out already, but thank you again for pointing this out.
January 31st, 2009
I was always against letting my baby cry it out, but we did try to let him cry more at about the four month mark that you mention. I noticed with my darling boy that when he started crying he would often hit a point where he would go into an uncontrollable “crazybaby” cry that he could not calm himself down from. He would claw at his ears or twist in our arms and refuse any comfort. We found that we had to avoid that crazybaby cry at all costs! We chose a path recommended by Cathryn Tobin (The Lull-A-Baby Sleep Plan) and it worked out fairly well.
I think you have hit the right note here by stressing that each child is unique and trying something new isn’t going to scar them.
Jills last blog post..five things I know about baby sleep problems
February 5th, 2009
@Jill Thank you for commenting and sharing the name of a plan I have not heard of by Cathryn Tobin. I’ll have to check that out!
March 1st, 2009
Hi,
At 4 months of age it is proven that babies can become manipulative. By this I mean that they know you will come and rock them if they cry. THerefore, it is proven that at 4 months of age a baby will cry for this ‘reason.’
March 2nd, 2009
Yes, four month old babies start to figure out you will come and rock them if they cry – that is called The Trust Cycle and it is an essential part of development. It has absolutely nothing to do with manipulation – I have studied and researched infants for many years and have never heard of the reserach you reference. Please provide citation and author as I am very interested in reading this research.
Research on basic needs says that 100s of completed Trust Cycles are how babies learn that they will be taken care of – this is what Ericson called Basic Trust. The trust cycle is composed of baby having a need, baby expressing a need, parent noticing the need, parent responding to the need, baby being able to relax and calm down because the need was met. It is not limited to crying at sleeptime but is part of feeding and other routines as well.
March 2nd, 2009
Hi Linda,
So what about the checking up on the baby that Ferber suggests? Doesn’t that allow the baby to trust that mom will keep coming back?
March 2nd, 2009
@Carly, @Linda Thank you for commenting! I agree that babies need to trust their caretakers and their basic needs must be met every time. That, to me, means that they eat when they are hungry, changed when they are wet, comforted when they’re scared, etc. I think the “argument” comes in about what they “need” vs. “want” once they get old enough to learn to start to self-soothe. I don’t think babies are manipulating by crying, they simply can’t tell you in words “Please replace the (sleep association) because it’s the only way I know how to sleep.” A baby who has a set bedtime routine and a comfortable place to sleep can learn a new way to fall asleep. There is a lot in between replacing a sleep association every hour and letting a baby cry alone all night. It is important to develop a plan that is going to be successful for your unique situation. Good luck to you both!
March 3rd, 2009
Have really been enjoying this blog. I have 3 children who are all proving to need different forms of “sleep training.” My oldest son who is now almost 7 was very easy to sleep train. He went to sleep quickly and easily when rocked and when he began to object around 5 months he only needed to fuss about 10 minutes before drifting off to sleep. He is now a VERY happy, trusting and loving little boy- his teachers even tell us this often! My second son now 5 had a pacifier he was very good at keeping in his mouth. He needed almost no sleep training until he was 6 months old and even then it was quick. He too is a fabulous sleeper and such a happy, sweet little guy.
Now we have a 15 week old daughter who is just precious and an excellent napper. The only difficult thing about her is putting her to sleep at night. My husband and I dread the evening because it involves on average 2 hours of bouncing, rocking, swaying and/or dancing trying to get her to sleep. We begin this at 6:30, we have a calming routine we do each night and it starts out great with her little eyes beginning to get heavy and shut and then she arches her back, spits out the paci and squirms herself awake. This repeats over and over for hours. I’m beginning to think about doing our routine, placing her in her crib and allowing her to cry say 15 minutes, then 20, then 25 and so on. I know she is not quite 4 months but we are just exhausted!
March 6th, 2009
Hello all…. What a great site. If nothing else, I feel affirmed that knowing my child is the best way to meet her needs as opposed to a one size fits all approach. Our little girl is nearly 6 months and is our second child so we feel a tad more at ease. With consistency (and time) she has become a great napper typically sleeping 1.5 – 2.5 hours for 2 naps during the day. Her bed time is between 5:30 and 6:30 pm. She goes down very easily and usually awake, but drowsy. She uses a pacifier at nap time and sometimes at bedtime. She has just been weened from BF and is on formula without any issues in transitioning. So what’s my question??…….
1. she is still ‘loose’ on a day time schedule waking anywhere from 4:00 to 5:30 a.m. (EEEK!). Her early nap is always within an hour or two of waking. The earlier she goes down, it seems it is a shorter nap. Perhaps she’s just continuing her night sleep?
2. she naps again after her early waking any time between 10:30 a.m. and noon. And again sometime between 1 and 2:30. These are her longest naps lasting between 1.5 to 2 hours each. And bed at 5:30 or 6:30. Is this loose schedule normal at nearly 6 months? I’ve been following her lead somewhat.
3. she wakes in the evening between 10:00 pm and 11:30. Has a bottle and returns to sleep right away. Doesn’t seem to be a problem there. BUT…. she wakes again around 3:30 or 4:00. Her diaper is soaking wet. I change her and sometimes she’s pooped. If I don’t change a wet diaper, I sense she doesn’t go back to sleep b/c she is uncomfortable (she chats and/or cries for a bit at this waking while we see if she’ll go back to sleep — perhaps 10-15 minutes or so). She’ll have a bottle and return to sleep but only for another hour to maybe 1.5 hours.
Bottom line — the day is great. The night is tiresome. I’d love to see her go down closer to 7 pm and sleep until 5 or 6. What can we do to get her there? Is this just a wait it out consideration, meaning she’ll eventually phase out the early morning waking? Perhaps she is needing to mature as you’ve talked about in other articles? Should we start letting her cry it out and not give her the ‘full treatment’ at the 3:30 waking? Are we reinforcing a habit by attending to her every 4-5 hours as we have been at night?
Any tips are appreciated. I feel like we are on the right track, but I’m pretty tired. The articles are fantastic. Just not sure of what we might do better or to speed up her progress in the sleep through the night brass ring!
Thanks!
Lynn
March 15th, 2009
@Rebecca It really goes to show how each baby is different and even when you’ve done it before, how a different baby can throw you for a loop! I “enjoy” hearing about these only to help those of us with challenging sleepers be reaffirmed that it’s not really what we did or didn’t do and truly babies are all different. If you haven’t read my Baby Temperament and Sleep Series, you might be interested in it. Here’s the link: http://www.picknicksbrain.com/temperament/baby-temperament-sleep-series-part-1 I wish you luck with your 15-week old. There isn’t really a “magic” age. Some start at 15 weeks, some at 6 months. Every situation is unique. Good luck!
March 15th, 2009
@Lynn It sounds like you possibly have a schedule problem and will need to tweak your daughter’s schedule. I just wrote an article about Owls and Larks (http://www.picknicksbrain.com/schedules/owls-and-larks) that you might be interested in. In general, naps that are too early can be the continuation of night sleep and therefore, you just have a long night-waking and I generally do not recommend starting the day much before 6 a.m., but depending on the total amount of sleep in 24 hours, you need to be careful you’re being realistic in your expectations. Good luck!
March 22nd, 2009
Hi!
I am just reading through things and wanted some advice. My daughter is 10mths old and sleeps very well. She goes to bed at 8pm and sleeps until 6am. Her naps vary from 30-90 mins depending on how tired she is. I usually only have to get her clamed down and doozing off to sleep then I can put her down and not look back untl she’s up. The question I have is if I put her down awake, she just stands up and plays in her crib. She doesn’t fuss or cry she just plays so I’m wondering if there’s a way to start getting her to put herself to sleep. I have no problems taking 5-10mins to get her relaxed and down but she will have to learn eventually right?
March 24th, 2009
I have been reading and i have premature twins, 10months now.
I give megan a bottle before going to sleep and she sleeps throu the night.
Meggy will cry alot during the day,even when she is dry and am feeding her she just wont stop crying, do you think she is sick or just being a normal baby,cause now its coming to a point where i want to take her to the docter.
March 25th, 2009
Hi again: I read Larks and Night Owls — I may have the name mixed up (great article so look for it!!!) We have been doing a combination of controlled cry it out (for the 2nd night feeding occurring sometime between 3-4 a.m. — formula/bottle) and a concerted effort to push her bedtime later (from 6 pm to 7 pm) while still feeding her at 10 pm. Meanwhile, her day time naps are also shifting, so we are learning to be flexible!! Thank you Nicole for the wonderful adivce. Our next step is consulting. BTW: my husband has had to take on the cio task. I will cave and soothe her or pick her up. He, instead, can go in without her going nuts. AND, his attitude is “listen to those healthy lungs. She is so healthy!.” I, meanwhile, go into the basement to sleep with earplugs!! I’m such a wimp! So, at 6 months, we have hope for an eventual full nights sleep but still have a long way to go (week one is nearly done!). Down to one wake up thus far. One to go!! Gradual approach is working for us, so for those wondering if it will ever change, celebrate the small improvements! Remember to lean on your husbands. And if you don’t have a husband, call your best friend to help out. The benefit: I am getting a little more sleep and feel I’m better able to function all around.
Lynns last blog post..The perfect careers for an Aries
March 27th, 2009
@Jessie As long as the 5-10 minutes is working, I don’t think you necessarily want to rock the boat. It doesn’t hurt to try to put her down awake and see what happens, though. I’d probably need to know her whole schedule to make any further recommendations, but all you can do is keep trying.
March 27th, 2009
@Paly If Meggy hasn’t typically cried a lot, then yes, I would take her to the doctor. Ear infections can sneak up on you and cause a lot of problems. ((HUGS)) Good luck!
March 27th, 2009
@Lynn Good luck! I typically don’t recommend cry-it-out for families where both parties can’t “do it” because it is sometimes not a cure-all and there will be setbacks down the road after teething, illnesses, vacations, etc. so both people really need to sorta be on board with it. But, every family has to do what’s right for them and many people do have their partners do the consoling and be the “strong one”. I hope things continue to improve!
April 1st, 2009
I can attest to every child being different. Any advice I get from friends and family doesn’t seem to work because my little one is just, well, himself!
I have read the temperament series and my baby is definetely intense and persistent. He sure can cry and probably would all day and night without giving in. I have tried laying him down awake, but man, that goes over like a whole in the head! He even cries when I rock him to sleep for about 2 minutes- such a fighter! He does alright if I lay him down almost asleep at night, but during the day he fights.
He is almost 5 months old and sleeps from 8:30 pm- 7 or 8 am with wakings at 1 am, 4 am and 6 am. I feed him when he wakes. Is this normal, terrible or good? With him being my first and everyone else I know having bottle fed instead of nursed, I just don’t know.
His naps are erratic but seem to be stabilizing into 1-2 45 minute naps in the mornings (9 and 11 am) and one longer (1 1/2-2 1/2 hrs) at about 1:30 then he is usually awake till bed. He’s happy, I feel rested but just stressed that he isn’t where he is “supposed to be.”
What is the average age that babies sleep through the night? Am I worried for nothing? Am I a bad mom because he can’t put himself to sleep? As of right now, I cannot let him cry it out because I just give in. He also sleeps much much better when he is swaddled, as he is the king of waking himself up.
What to do, what to do…any advice would be very helpful!
Ashley
April 1st, 2009
Ashley – that is exactly what mine did at that age. He slept usually a four hour stretch, then a three, then two, one hour or less spurts – or something like that (he was also a terrible napper!). He’s now a year old, and has been sleeping through the night consistently since 9 months. Babies have very small stomachs, and breast milk digests much faster than formula, so its completely normal for you to have to feed him regularly. Just don’t be afraid to experiment with new ways of helping him get to sleep over the next few months in my opinion!
April 14th, 2009
My baby will be 5 months this Thursday. I nurse him to sleep at night. He has pretty consistently slept in our co sleeper 8-9 hours through the night without a waking for feeding/changing since at least 3 months old. He may stir, talk, suck his fingers, and even wimper or squeal once, but soon falls asleep on his own again without full blown crying.
By day he naps poorly, and never meets his 12 to 14 hour sleep quotia per 24 hours, and has pretty stormy days sometimes. It’s agonizing when nothing works to get him to nap. It feels like abuse, because it is my responsibility to see him A. well slept and B. therefore happy. It gets to the point where crying it out for 5 nights seems less abusive than him crying in agony and exhaustion while all our gimmicks (bouncing, nursing, strolling, etc,) gradually lose their effectiveness.
We are crying it out full-on in 1 and a half weeks, no checking in, to transition him from ours to his own room, but most importantly to teach him to self sooth by day. We know he actually can but doesn’t, because he’s gone to sleep with eyes open by day for baby nurses when tired
enough and because we’re certain he wakes at night. Also, we don’t worry about night hunger since he on his own began his 8-9 hour night schedule, and our pediatrician has consistently told us at 3 months their digestive systems are prepared to go 9 hours without food, 12 hours by 4-5 months. They advocate cry it out without checking in as the only method that works. Tribecca pediatrics, Dr. Michele Cohen, he’s published.
Any comments?
Please no impassioned opinions, just fair observations.
Thanks.
April 16th, 2009
@Ashley Don’t feel like a bad mom because you don’t have all the answers. We’ve all been there! We moms are supposed to worry.
All babies are different, but the daytime naps sound decent and 3 feedings are within normal range at this age, thought he will probably be able to go down to just 2 very soon. If he is happy and rested, and you feel rested, then that’s all that’s important! I just wrote up an article about how many night-feedings at each age. Here’s the link: http://www.picknicksbrain.com/sleep-training/night-feedings-by-age-when-do-you-night-wean
April 16th, 2009
@Lala First, I typically don’t recommend going from in your room to don’t-go-in-and-check cry-it-out all night in another room, abruptly. They are two extremes. I typically recommend a more gradual approach. Also, day and night sleep are handled by different parts of the brain and short naps are common and normal up through 6 months until their sleep systems have matured. The first nap of the day is generally the first to form. So, just because he can sleep on his own at night does not mean he has “learned” to do this during the day. It sounds like he is a great night sleeper! Good luck to you!
April 17th, 2009
Hi Nicole, thanks for your response!
I read about the 2 parts of the brain in Weissbluth’s book. Seems to make sense because as I stated it appears to us that he knows how to put himself back to sleep at night but does not apply this during the day.
During the day he hardly sleeps at all, and his fussines because of it is anything but normal, it’s really devastating. Basically his days are red faced and crying until he crashes at the weirdest hour and on someone, or if we’re lucky, in the carriage during a stroll.
We are going to Europe and staying with my husbands various family in June, and he will have to learn how to day nap and to sleep in something other than the cosleeper one way or another, wherever he’s placed, as he will be moving around a lot and always staying in other people’s homes where he won’t have a cosleeper nor his crib, nor his swing, nor a bouncy ball, nor many gimmicks, but whatever crib they can make available .
When you say you recommend somthing more gradual, what do you mean? Nursing him to sleep as usual but into his crib / own room, and seeing how that goes? And then when he has that down, using Weissbluth’s controlled crying for naps?
I forgot to mention that we have spent the past 3 months trying controlled crying with him and it doesn’t work. Comforting him (ie rubbing his belly, giving him a pacifier) only aggravates him more. The minute you enter the room he goes from crying to screaming, and wants out of the crib (though he continues to cry from exhaustion once he’s up, or within a half hour of it, and wants to try to sleep again).
The one time we let him cry it out without going in, he cried non stop for one hour at 7 pm, then crashed until 6 am the next morning. But we didn’t repeat it, because he was only 3 months old and we didn’t have the heart to.
What would be your solution to transition him from cosleeper at night to crib, and also, to improve his day naps, now knowing the particulars of our situation?
April 17th, 2009
Hi Nicole: Thank you for your response. The exchange with others is invaluable. The professional advice and participation from you, gives us all a rudder in reality! Lack of sleep can distort things, so thank you for this board.
Your last input suggested we have a possible lark in our hands, and we definitely do!! An update on my last post, we did eliminate the 3-4 a.m. bottle with modified CIO. However, she was still waking up even though not being fed — chatting, laughing, talking then eventually crying after 30-45 minutes alone. Plus she was then adding another nap in the day. Not a direction we wanted to go — we can’t start our day at 4:30!! So, for the last few nights, we’ve returned to offer a 3-4 oz bottle at 3:3- 4 a.m. She goes back to sleep until 5:00-6:00′ish and her day time naps are more reasonable. The first one starting around 8:30 or 9 and another in the mid afternoon. Her bedtime is still 6:30 or 7 pm. Later bedtimes have not changed her body’s clock to wake up later — the 3:30 or 4 a.m. body clock would go off anyhow (are we missing something to change this???).
The net of it is — she will be 7 months Saturday and she is still getting up for 2 feedings in a 11-12 hour span. Should we wait this out (hoping she’ll gradually sleep through) or is there something else we should be doing. Trying to be as objective as possible, I don’t sense she is using the bottle to sleep (she doesn’t for naps), but I do see it allows her to sleep longer in the morning. Is that a crutch or is it a body need? Oh, and PS, she cut a tooth in the middle of all of this which didn’t dramatically change anything one way or the other.
Thanks for your thoughts! Lynn
May 6th, 2009
@lala We’ve gotten into custom sleep consultation here.
This is really too long to type here as I can write articles and articles about this. In fact, I just wrote a whole e-Book about naps and schedules. Have you signed up for my free nap sessions? It might help. You are also welcome to join me on my free chat or check out my services: http://www.picknicksbrain.com/services
May 6th, 2009
@Lynn Sleeping all night without a feeding is a developmental milestone and as long as the baby does not have a sleep association problem, they often will start to reduce feedings on their own. However, sometimes it does become a chicken and egg problem for them to eat more during the day, they need to eat less at night. There are some adults who don’t go 12 hours without a feeding and some babies have trouble going without two at 7 months. You might try to night-wean down to one feeding if she hasn’t done it on her own by 8 months. Good luck!
May 12th, 2009
hi
I really like your website and all the articles. I have just started the cry it out tonight for the first time. it was hard to not go and comfort my DS. sofia is almost 7 months old and she is still nursing at night approx. 2 – 3 times a night so I was wondering when she wakes at night and i feed her if she is still awake after the feeding should I just put her in the crib and let her cry? and also, if she falls asleep during the feeding is that going to set her back?
thank you for making me feel better about the cry it out method I wanted to do it but i felt bad. when I read that your are teaching her to comfort herself to sleep it made me feel better about it
May 15th, 2009
@Jennifer When baby does not go to sleep after a feeding, then yes, you would want to encourage her to learn to do it on her own. Falling asleep during a feeding is not a problem, usually. I hope it’s going well! Glad you like the site! Thank you!
June 4th, 2009
@ Linda
Linda, could you post links to recent the articles and research you claim does not support CIO? I didn’t know that you were a PhD with years of research like Dr’s Weissbluth and Ferber. Unfortunately you’re not, and it seems that you simply an educator posting on someone else’s site in order to promote your own business.
Thanks, Nick for offering this site and for being upfront about who you are. Moms talking/sharing with other moms is sometimes the best. Good on you for being cheerful to all.
June 4th, 2009
Hooray! Nicole, your advice has been spot on. I’ve posted at 6, 7, and now 8+ months with comments about difficulties getting little one to sleep through the night. Well, last night, we had a first night without a wake up (too bad mom hasn’t managed this yet). As you predicted, she self-weened to one feeding just about 8 months. In the last 2 weeks, she is pretty much making it 8-9 hours without a wakeup and last night was for 10! She takes two naps — one at 8:30 for an hour or just a bit longer; one at 1:30 for 2 hours, so overall, she’s getting 13+hours. She is still going to bed fairly early (6:30-7) and waking at 5-5:30, but we can live with that. I hope we are on a developmental milestone that will hold (barring other interruptions, which are natural, of course!). Your advice continually reinforces the fact that there is no one-size-fits all – nor should we measure your baby’s sleep habits by someone else’s. Good for them if they have an early sleeper. Hang in there for those of us still looking forward to a full night’s sleep. Thank you Nicole for a great site. Lynn
June 4th, 2009
Oh, and PS. I’ll make this brief, but it was funny enough that I thought I could share it. We were puzzled why our daughter was waking up like clock work at 12:01 a.m. every single night. Well, one night I was restless, up myself and just before she woke, I heard a faint beeping sound. The mini clock fell off the nightstand in her room the week before (I hadn’t missed it) and in falling, it pushed the alarm button on. So each night, she was indeed, waking up like clock work!!!! Groan. We don’t go immediately to her so by the time a few minutes had passed, it had already stopped beeping. Poor parent award on that one! She thankfully quickly gave it up once the clock was gone!! ha ha
Lynn
June 10th, 2009
@Dianne You’re welcome!
@Lynn You’re welcome! I’m so glad sleep has improved so much. It sounds like you guys are doing great! Woohoo!
June 10th, 2009
@Lynn LOL! on the alarm clock!
Something similar happened to us. One night he slept right through it, but we heard it and ran in there and turned it off. Another night he woke up. We found out his older brother was messing with the button (up, down, up, down…oops he left it down which was on and set to go off at midnight!). Glad you figured it out!