Posts Tagged ‘baby sleep’

A friend of mine just had a baby and she gave me the idea for this article because her family was urging her to “get the baby used to sleeping with noise”. If I had a dime every time someone told me part of my son’s sleep problems were because he needed to get used to sleeping with noise…well I’d probably only have $5, but still, it was really frustrating to hear. Let me be honest. I have NO SCIENTIFIC proof of what I’m about to say. YOU CAN’T GET A BABY TO GET USED TO NOISE AND SLEEP THROUGH IT. Okay, you might be able to help them not wake up with every little noise, but overall, your baby has a certain threshold where certain things will wake him up. Period.

When your baby is a newborn, he will spend most of his time in a deep sleep and likely sleep through almost ANYTHING! In deep sleep, it takes a lot to wake us up (adults included). Around 6 weeks old, he will become more social and start returning your smiles. This might be around the time the dog barking or that noise outside starts becoming interesting and he may not be able to sleep through as much, but usually he will still be in a deep sleep a lot of the time. By 4 months old, the way he sleeps changes a lot in when he goes into deep sleep and may be even more affected by noise.

Babies will vary as to how much noises interest them or wake them up and how quickly they can fall back to sleep if they do hear a noise. I can tell you that both my boys could not sleep through just anything and were not portable babies (I could not bank on them falling asleep on the go). But, my second son could fall back to sleep MUCH easier than my first. You might think I didn’t make enough noise with them, but let me assure you, my first son was in a very noisy daycare for 8+ months (before we got a nanny and kept him home, partially due to his sleep issues) and he NEVER “got used” to noise! I don’t care how many people tell me that I didn’t do something, he simply has always been worried he will miss something fun if he has to sleep and he all but went on a nap strike at daycare. Even as a 3 year old, at bedtime, he would claim he was not tired, say he didn’t want to go to sleep and then fall asleep 4 minutes later (I am not exaggerating!). He was no different as a baby and would fight sleep tooth and nail. So, with both boys we made sure we put the barking dogs away and gave them a quiet place to sleep, in the nursery and in their crib. We later bought White Noise Machines, to block out some of the household noises and encourage longer naps and better night sleep. My other friend’s baby was able to sleep through a lot more noise and on-the-go compared to my boys. It’s just luck of the draw.

So, next time someone tells you to get baby used to sleeping with noise, no, don’t walk on your tip toes, but please give your baby a quiet place to sleep if he needs it. I can tell you one thing, I certainly can’t sleep with my dogs barking outside my door or the radio blaring. I don’t expect my babies to, either.

Do you think a baby can learn to sleep through noise?

Just a quick announcement. I am now offering a pamphlet on shifting your baby or toddler’s schedule. This is designed for those parents who have already mastered most of their child’s sleep problems, but their baby or toddler is simply waking too early in the morning or going to bed too late at night. Your child is getting all the sleep he needs, but the schedule does not seem to fit in with the family. I recommend only attempting a schedule shift once your baby or toddler is already sleeping fairly well and he is old enough to withstand some over-tiredness without too much trouble. For babies very sensitive to becoming overtired this might not be until 8 or 9 months old. For those not very sensitive to over-tiredness, this can be as soon as 6 months old. Toddlers are usually ready and should be no problem to shift.

Note: If you already have my e-Book, Help Your Baby Sleep, a Step-by-Step guide, you already have this information.

Learn more about the Shift Your Child’s Schedule pamphlet, now!

Obviously, babies wake up crying to eat, because they are wet or dirty (sometimes), or to have their sleep association recreated (such as replacing a pacifier), but this Sleep Quick Tip is to discuss what it possibly means when your baby wakes up crying from a nap or in the morning when they are “done sleeping” (at least you think so).

From my reading, I have not found any definitive reason as to why babies cry when they wake up, but it is normal for them to cry between sleep cycles. With my first-born, if he woke up crying, it 90% of the time meant that he was not done sleeping. He may have awakened in between sleep cycles and had trouble going into the next one. My 2nd son had a much easier time going into the next sleep cycle, most of the time, but he still wimpered a bit, sometimes, between sleep cycles.

This tip is to encourage you not to run in at the slightest wimper because crying between sleep cycles is normal and expected. Babies might not do it every sleep cycle, but they do some. I am not saying you need to allow your baby to cry-it-out, but any amount of crying feels a lot longer than it is. My 2nd son did not have as much of a luxury to be attended to at the slightest wimper because I had my older son to take care of, too. I remember when my 2nd son was around 2 months old, I was fixing my first son lunch and #2 (his name is Nicholas, btw) woke up from his nap. I couldn’t get to him right away, but was walking to his room by the 3 or 4 minute mark and my hand was on the doorknob and he went back to sleep!! I would have disturbed his nap had I been in there any sooner. Of course, at 2 a.m. 3 or 4 minutes feels more like 30, but just keep it in mind.

As I said before, when my eldest son woke up from his nap, crying, it usually meant he was not done sleeping (whether he went back to sleep or not was hit or miss), so if he did wake up crying at least I knew whether to run in there or not. At the very least, I gave him 5 minutes to try to fall back to sleep…that is until I nap trained him. Having said that, I know one woman whose baby, 90% of the time, woke up crying and that’s just how he came out of his sleep cycles, so it didn’t have the same meaning for her.

Does your baby wake up crying?

This article outlines the average 9 month old baby schedule, including feedings, solids, naps and night sleep.

Skip to schedule

9 month old’s sleep

At this age, if you are not lucky enough to have a baby who sleeps through the night, most 9 month olds can sleep all night without a feeding and take two naps. If your baby is having trouble napping, you may be interested in how you can get your baby to nap. However, some babies, in my experience, do better with one feeding after 4 or 5 a.m. and sleep longer than not feed and get an early wake-time. I would need to know your specific situation to make a recommendation, but just recognize that all babies are different, but by this age I would not expect more than 1 feeding, typically, if any at all. All babies vary, but here are some rough schedules you can use to make your own for your unique baby.

I should warn you that I am in the camp that breastmilk or formula should be the primary nutrition for the first year and solids come secondary. Below are the amounts recommended from Super Baby Food, the book I use for reference (as a guide, not as the end-all-be-all because I don’t give my kids nuts before a year or follow other things in the book, but it’s a good reference guide). Another useful reference is Wholesome Baby Food. Although I work full time, I did make most of my baby food (I’d make 1 big batch of something each weekend in 1-2 hours), but even if you don’t, the website is useful as a guide when to introduce what food and other meal ideas.

Amounts per day:

• At least 3-4 nursing sessions per day or 26-32 ounces formula or combination of both
• 2 servings (1 serving = 1-2 Tablespoons dry) baby cereal
• 1-2 servings grain (1 serving = 1/2 slice bread, 2 crackers, 1/2 cup Cheerios, or 1/2 cup whole grain pasta)
• 2 servings (1 serving = 2-4 Tablespoons) fruit
• 2 servings (1 serving = 2-4 Tablespoons) vegetable
• 2-3 servings (1 serving = 1-2 Tablespoons) protein
• 1 serving Dairy (1 serving = 1/2 cup yogurt, 1/3 cup cottage cheese or 1 oz grated cheese)

The first schedule is what I call a “staggered” approach. My first son did better nursing fully and then having solids a bit in between nursing sessions. He was a little hungry but not famished. He just didn’t do well with stopping nursing mid-way to eat solids.

Sample 9 month old schedules

7:00 - Wake and Breast milk or Formula
9:00 - Breakfast
10:00 - Morning Nap (at least 1 hour)
11:00 - Breast milk or Formula
1:00 - Lunch
2:00 - Early Afternoon Nap (at least 1 hour)
3:00 - Breast milk or Formula plus snack
5:00 - Dinner
6:15 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Breastmilk or Formula and Bedtime (goal to be asleep at this time)

If your baby doesn’t mind a more “consolidated” approach to eating, like my second son, here is another type of schedule:

Schedule 2

7:00 - Wake, 1/2 Breast milk / Formula feeding, breakfast and other 1/2 BM / Formula
10:00 - Morning Nap (at least 1 hour)
11:00 - 1/2 BM/Formula, Lunch, and other 1/2 BM/Formula
2:00 - Afternoon Nap (at least 1 hour)
3:00 - BM or Formula Feeding plus snack
5:00 - Dinner and 1/2 BM / Formula feeding
6:15 - Begin bedtime routine
7:00 - Small BM/Formula feeding and Bedtime (goal to be asleep at this time)

Note: When giving any feedings during your bedtime routine, be careful not to create sleep associations.

You may also be interested in tracking your baby’s sleep, feedings, medication doses, immunizations, etc. using online software. You can even install on your mobile device for when you’re on the go!

If you need help with your baby’s schedule, you may be interested in Help Your Baby Sleep, a Step-by-Step Guide, which discusses naps, schedules, and shifting schedules for babies waking too early or going to bed too late (among many other things) or get one-on-one baby sleep advice.

What is your 9-month old’s schedule?

I wrote a guest post on another blog, Ambajam, with five baby sleep tips. You have a chance to win one of their very cute Cuddle Up baby blankets or a copy of my Help Your Child Sleep, a Step-by-Step Guide e-book, if you enter the contest before MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2008. Enter today!

Introducing a lovey to your baby or toddler can sometimes help him feel cozy and secure in his crib or bed. The lovey should ideally not be larger than his head nor have things that can fall off that he can choke on (such as eyes on a stuffed animal). A small baby blanket is a wonderful choice. My son took to sucking on his blanket for a few months (never took a pacifier or sucked his thumb, so I was lucky there were no habits to break in that regard).

Introducing the baby lovey

To introduce the lovey to your baby, simply start holding it during your bedtime and nap routines, particularly if you are nursing. Hold it close to your child and he will start to associate it with comfort while you are soothing him down for sleep.

Some people are worried their child will be carrying around a ratty blanket for years to come. You can make it a rule the lovey remains in your baby’s room / crib and only use it for sleep. I did this and it worked very well and we never had a problem.

Note: To guard against the risk of SIDS, you need to be careful about how early you introduce a lovey / blanket. Please read the 10 ways to reduce the risk of SIDS.

When you feel comfortable, you can place the lovey in the crib or bed with your baby or toddler and she will be able to seek comfort in the lovey during nighttime arousals or through sleep cycles.

Replacement Lovey

Word to the wise. You will need to clean the lovey and there is always the potential of loss (through wear and tear or just leaving it somewhere), so you may want to buy a “double” (or triple) that you can rotate, so your child will never notice if something should happen to the lovey.

Does your baby use a lovey?

Infants have a strong sucking reflex and therefore many people choose to give their baby a pacifier. Some parents warn against it, encouraging you to have them “attach” to you rather than an inanimate object while other parents warn that if you don’t give him a pacifier, you will become his “pacifier”. Who’s right? No one! It will be up to you and what works for you and your baby and what works for others might not work for YOU.

When to introduce a pacifier

If you are formula feeding, you can use a pacifier from day 1.

If you are breastfeeding, it is a good idea to establish breastfeeding first before introducing another type of nipple. Some babies will have no problem going back and forth, but since you don’t know if yours will or not, it’s a good idea to wait so as not to cause nipple confusion and establish your milk supply, first. This is usually recommended no earlier than 3 weeks and anywhere from 4-8 weeks. If you just need to do it earlier (especially if you will be returning to work), that’s ok! Just do your best and if you start to have trouble, learn how to get baby back to breast.

Pacifier and Teeth

Is a pacifier bad for your baby’s teeth? In short, no. Only when your baby sucks her thumb or uses a pacifier past the age of two is there a risk of altering their bite. It is unrealistic to expect many babies not to want to suck during those first 2 years.

When a pacifier becomes a problem

There is a time when a pacifier can become a problem and that’s when it interrupts their sleep. Some parents are weary having to replace a pacifier 8-10 times per night. In this case, the pacifier has become a poor sleep association that you may want to consider breaking. Some babies will be able to find their own pacifier at night (particularly if you throw 3 or 4 or 8 into the crib), but usually that isn’t until around 6 months. Some may technically be able to, but simply won’t do it. Others will learn sooner. So, if you really want to hang on to the pacifier, you may be able to just wait it out.

When you’re a “pacifier”

Some parents feel they become their baby’s “pacifier” because they are breastfeeding and baby wants to suckle A LOT (what “a lot” means will vary from parent to parent). This can happen. My eldest son did not want a pacifier and not from a lack of trying (mostly by others because I was not 100% on board with a pacifier anyway), so yes, he did suckle a lot and yes, did develop a sleep association (I did not mind until it was ALL night long!) that we later had to break. We continued to successfully breastfeed until 13 months. He did take to sucking on a light receiving blanket as his “lovey” for several months (he stopped using it on his own), but I was fortunate because I never had to break a pacifier or thumb-sucking habit. So, when my second son came along, I actually decided not to give him a pacifier and it was rough for the first couple months, but then got a lot better and so far, no thumb-sucking, yet, either. I am hoping not to have to break either habit, again, but we’ll see.

Pacifiers day and night

If your baby has trouble sleeping with a pacifier at night, but not during the day (or vice versa), you can limit it to one or the other as a baby’s sleep is handled by different parts of the brain for each.

All in all, I’d say a pacifier can be a good solution (if you agree with the use of one), until it becomes a problem. Once it hurts more than it helps, it may just be time to get rid of it. For help breaking sleep associations or help with other child sleep problems, you may be interested in Help Your Child Sleep, a Step-By-Step Guide or my one-on-one baby sleep consultations.

Do you use a pacifier? Did you have a problem with it?

 
Don’t let sleep deprivation last any longer than it needs to in your household! I’m here to help! Receive 30% OFF my baby sleep consulting services from now until 8/31/2008! Please login to my helpdesk to purchase and use coupon code SUMMER08. Looking forward to working with you!

If you are unfortunate enough to consider letting baby cry it out (because let’s face it, none of us PLAN to let their baby cry it out when they are still in the womb or anything! It’s typically the last resort for most of us.), many people want to know when it is okay to do it. Some people would answer “never” and that is their right.

Here at Pick Nick’s Brain, I understand that all situations are unique and what works for you might not work for others and what works for others might not work for YOU! I am here to help you develop the plan that will be most likely to succeed based on your baby’s temperament and personality and your parenting style and philosophy. If your philosophy goes against cry it out, simple DON’T DO IT (it won’t work anyway).

First, let me define what I mean by “cry it out” because it means different things to different people.

What Cry It Out Isn’t

• Cry it out is not replacement for feeding when baby can not comfortably sleep all night without food.
• Cry is out is not meant to be used when baby is hungry, wet, very sick, in pain, etc.
• Cry it out does not mean throwing your baby into a room, closing the door and ignoring baby forever and ever.
• Cry it out is not replacement to parenting when baby needs it.

That last one some would say is always true, but I disagree, but we’ll get to that.

What Cry It Out IS

• Cry it out is a sleep training method to break poor sleep associations.
• Cry it out is setting limits on what you will and won’t allow your baby to do (at nap time, all night, etc.).

That’s it! Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night or rock your baby in the rocking chair for 3 hours and then every 2 hours after that (like my son wanted me to do). Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one).

The act of crying does nothing to teach baby to sleep and it won’t change his personality. Cry “it” out is simply letting baby find his own way to fall asleep and allowing him to cry out his frustration about not being able to get that pacifier replaced for the 10th time. None of us get better at something without practice.

OF COURSE, some parents can nurse all night and it works great for them. Others can rock their baby for 10 minutes and he sleeps all night. But, many of us are simply not that lucky. If baby cried being in the car seat, would you take him out while driving because he was crying?

It is hard for many of us to break habits, but the longer you do it, the harder the habit is to break, right?

Cry It Out - What age?

So, what’s the right age to allow baby to cry it out? Once again, this answer will vary. I try to empower parents here on this site. You know your baby best! At some point you know that your baby is very capable of putting herself to sleep, but prefers you to rock, bounce, nurse, etc. her to sleep. There is not going to be a magic age, but one day you will realize what baby once NEEDED to fall asleep, now she simply WANTS it. That is the key to finding the “right” time. You are simply at your wits end and just can’t do “it” anymore.

Having said all that, if your baby’s temperament is “easy”, sometimes all it takes is for you to just get out of the way a little bit and allow baby to fuss for 5 minutes or less and that can be done when he is just a newborn. Aside from a little fussing, I usually don’t recommend finding a cry it out method to formally use until at least 4 months old. The ideal age is usually before 8-10 months. I’ve had parents tell me they feel they waited too long by only waiting until 10 months old. Once baby can pull to standing, it gets harder (but not impossible) and personalities only get stronger, so it’s great to lay the foundation before that time.

How to Cry It Out

There are NUMEROUS variations to the cry it out method and it’s important to be responsible about it. It is unfair to just “snap” one day, let him cry and then go to him the next day, on/off, on/off. You need to make A PLAN. I also never recommend to allow baby to cry it out when she is still swaddled, because they need to find a way to self-soothe by finding their fingers/thumb.

If you are confused about how to go about letting your baby cry it out, please do some reading on this site or buy my e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide which outlines various methods and has pros and cons of each method. It’s a step-by-step guide in helping you through the process and how to achieve maximum success. If you want help developing a plan you can 100% commit to (consistency is key!), I also offer sleep consulting services.

What does Cry It Out mean to you?

Woohoo! I am giving away another copy of my e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide. I wrote a guest post, Teething, Crawling, Traveling - What About Sleep?, on Mommy Daddy Blog - Jr. High Sweethearts Chronicle Their Journey Through Parenthood. Check it out and comment on how my e-Book can help your household. Enter before MONDAY, AUGUST 18, 2008, 7 p.m. to win!