Posts Tagged ‘baby’

In this post, I’ll talk about baby sleep pillows. When should you give a pillow to your baby? When can you give a pillow to your baby? What kind of pillow do you give your baby? What type of pillows can help with co-sleeping? What type of pillows can help with nursing?

When can you give your baby a pillow to sleep on?

The NICHHD recommends that you avoid pillows for babies under one year of age. They recommend never to place baby on a pillow to sleep or add pillows to the crib, either. This is to reduce the risk of SIDS. Here are other ways to reduce the risk of SIDS.

When should you give your baby a pillow to sleep?

There is no rule about needing to give your baby a pillow to sleep on. Yes, it’s more comfortable for us, adults, to sleep on a pillow. After all, it is one of our sleep associations. And, because we are bigger, a proper pillow supports our neck in such a way that our bodies can fully relax at night. Buy the wrong pillow and you can wake up with a cramped neck.

But, children are smaller and the wrong pillow when they are too young can be a bad idea. Not only can it increase the SIDS risk as I mentioned above, but baby can roll off if it doesn’t have side support. If baby is old enough to move around and the pillow is too large, the pillow might move on top of baby, making it dangerous for him. In addition, if your baby is pulling up, he can use the pillow as a launchpad out of the crib. No one wants that! He might be climbing out soon enough on his own. No need to give him props.

Therefore, I recommend avoiding a pillow for your baby until she is well into being a toddler over 2 years old. And, if she is content not to use a pillow at all, don’t even worry about it. My eldest son didn’t care to sleep on a pillow until he was close to 2 1/2 and then we gave him a very flat pillow.

What kind of pillow can you give your baby for sleep?

If you are going to give your baby or toddler a pillow to sleep on, make sure it’s small and flat such that it will be better for her neck support. They make small pillows just for babies. Here are just a few:

• For babies who need to be at an incline (e.g. those with reflux), you can try this wedge pillow. It safely keeps baby at an incline.
• For help positioning younger babies on their back (also guards against SIDS), I used the Close & Secure Sleeper, but for something more inexpensive, you can try a Head-N-Back Sleep Positioner. These positioners also help with co-sleeping.
• You can buy toddler pillows like Mr. Bobbles’ Blankets pillows or sets that come with a pillow. They also have these cool travel neck pillows, now.

Baby Nursing Pillows

Using a pillow while nursing is a life-saver! It saves your wrist with support and makes it so much easier in those early days. When baby is older and can support his own head, it helps to have your hands free, especially if you have a toddler. I used to read to one and nurse the other.

I used a Boppy for both of my children, but I saw this Leachco Cuddle-U Nursing Pillow and thought it looked really cool and the reviews were really good! I have also heard good things about the My Brest Friend Pillow.

When did you start using a baby sleep pillow? Which one?

Last week I posted my newborn sleep tips. Today I’ll talk about getting your baby to nap. I am specifically talking about babies older than newborns (i.e. 3+ months old).

A nap is considered to be restorative if the baby is not moving (i.e. such as in a swing or car or stroller) and the nap is one hour or more. I specifically want to mention this because it widely varies what people believe to be a “normal” or “good” nap. Some think babies should sleep 3 hours each time and others seem to think 30 minutes is enough.

It is normal for babies younger than 6 months old to take 3-4 short 30-45 minute catnaps. Around 6 months, they should begin to lengthen to 2-3 longer naps. The 3rd nap is almost always just 30-45 minutes, just to help them get to bedtime. However, some babies don’t have this nap at all and only have 2 longer naps. The average amount of napping is 2-3 hours each day.

With babies younger than 9 months old, short naps are almost always due to too much wake-time between naps. When a baby is overtired, he will have trouble settling down enough to nap well and make it past that first sleep transition around the 30-45 minute mark. If your baby is short-napping you, try to decrease the wake-time between naps. This wake-time should ideally be just 1-2 hours, tops when baby is under 6 months old and 2-3 hours, after. When she isn’t overtired, she is better able to transition to the next sleep phase.

Also, around 6 months of age (some are ready by 5 months and some won’t be ready until 7+ like my first-born), you should nap baby more on a schedule. I have several sample baby schedules on this website (and always working on more). You should always use your baby as a guide, first and foremost, but in general, a schedule works wonders for babies who are having trouble napping (particularly when the problem is short-napping in an older baby). We all have internal clocks and if you get your baby used to sleeping at the same time every day, this will make it easier for her to nap. Remember, our bodies release hormones to fight fatigue, so if she is napping at different times every day, her body will be fighting fatigue and make it even harder for her to nap when you want her to.

Finally, a nice 10 minute nap routine will cue him that a nap is coming up. Change his diaper, read a short book or two, cuddle for a few minutes, and put him down for a nap. If you stay consistent, it will become crystal clear to him what’s coming up and prepare his body for relaxation and a good nap.

If none of these things seem to help and your baby is either continuing to fight his nap or takes short naps, you might need to encourage him to nap more. You may want to look at sleep training him for naps. Remember sleep training is not cry-it-out! And, you may be interested in reading my Sleep Training (from No Cry to Cry) Series.

If you are still having trouble getting your baby to nap, you may be interested in our step-by-step baby sleep guide or one-on-one baby sleep advice for your unique situation.

My husband is finished with school this week, which means summer is upon us. This usually means family vacations. How fun! But, what to do about your baby / child’s sleep? We have been on numerous trips with our eldest son and it gets easier every time. I thought today I’d give some tips for traveling this summer with baby:

• Depending on age, prepare a “fun” pack for the car or plane trip. Have snacks (special occasion snacks became a hit like fruit snacks when he got older), books, new toys, crayons, TaDoodles First Markers, some sort of travel drawing toy like the Aquadoodle Travel N Doodle, and a book of photos to remind him/her of home. If you are not opposed to them watching TV, a portable DVD player is a lifesaver, at times, especially for very long trips or layovers. I recommend this player, the Sony DVP-FX820 8″ Portable DVD Player. I really like the Brainy Baby DVD seriesand love the Leapfrog Learning DVDs.
• Of all the things in your “fun pack”, take one thing out at a time and drag it out as long as possible. (Like I had to tell you that!)
• Try to plan your snacks around take-off and landing, if possible. At least offer milk or water to help with the ears popping. My son never had any problems, but you just never know.
• Plan your travel time accordingly with nap or bedtime. If your baby / toddler sleeps in the car, plan to be on the plane or in the car during the naptime. But, if your child is like mine and won’t sleep in the car, prepare to leave right after his first nap of the day. That first nap is usually the most restorative and the most needed in terms of overtiredness for the rest of the day.
• Unless you are co-sleeping, you can bring a Graco Pack ‘n Play or travel crib. Even if you have somewhere for baby to sleep at your destination, bring along any sheets, familiar stuffed animals, or loveys to make a “foreign” place as much like home as possible, for sleeping.
• Call ahead to make sure your flight is on-time, if you are flying.
• Decide whether to bring your car seat. If you are leaving the country, you might check to make sure the car seat will even work. When my son was about 9 months old, we went to Mexico and wouldn’t you know the back seatbelts didn’t “lock” like they do here in the U.S. I later found out you are supposed to bring something to “lock” the seatbelt with the carseat. Plan ahead for that, unlike me.
• Board early or not on an airplane? If you have a carseat, you probably want to board early to get it installed. But, at the same time, that is just longer you need to entertain your baby on board while everyone else gets seated and the plane takes off. Keep it in mind, depending on the age of your baby / toddler and energy level.
• Sleep train or not during vacation? It depends on where you are going and for how long. If you are going to grandma’s for a month, it is unlikely you want to undo all your hard work and risk overtiredness for a whole month. If you are going camping in the woods for 4 days, it is unlikely you won’t do anything you have to in order to make sure your baby does not wake the neighboring campers. Overall, I’d say you try to stick to routine as much as humanly possible, but also have fun!! The good news is a previously sleep trained baby will bounce back after vacation fairly quickly.
• Here is a packing checklist for babies and for toddlers.

My #1 tip is to relax and have fun! Most of the time your child will surprise you just like mine did. And, even if you have a rough trip, you will never see those people again, so don’t worry too much about it and just focus on you and your family. You deserve a nice vacation, so try not to stress out too much about it.

Do you have any travel tips you’d like to share?

I plan to post a “quick tip” occasionally that will be a quick blog post that has a useful tip pertaining to your child’s sleep. Today’s quick tip is to keep a log of your baby’s sleep for one or two weeks. Log wake times, nap times, nap lengths, and bedtime. Add up the total time baby actually slept (if you are unsure, as long as baby is quiet, count as sleeping). The amount of sleep a child gets in 24 hours stays relatively constant and they will shift sleep from day to night and vice versa (within reason). Once you have your log, you can take the average amount of sleep in 24 hours and use that as a guide when adjusting schedules and setting your expectations on wake-times. For example, if you know your baby gets an average of 13.5 hours in 24 hours and naps 3 hours that day, you can guesstimate (s)he will sleep about 10.5 hours that night. You will likely need to log 1-2 weeks every few months to get an accurate average, as babies change a lot in the first 2-3 years!

Disclaimer: Some babies are more consistent than others. Inconsistent babies might have a large range of the amount of sleep in 24 hours. At least if you keep a log, you know whether this is true or not.

Disclaimer 2: During growth spurts, teething and illnesses, the amount of sleep might be unusually higher or lower. Try to time your logging during a “normal” time. (as much as a baby is “normal”)

For online tracking, you can use Babble Soft. Babble Soft helps you and other caregivers keep track of activities like breastfeeding or bottle feeding schedules, baby sleep patterns, diapers, baby immunization or medicine doses, and baby’s first year photo album. This helps you really get to know your child’s schedule or to show you whether (s)he has one (in the case of inconsistent babies, there just might not be one without your intervention!). Or, you can use good old pencil and paper or track using something like Excel where you can let it calculate the average for you. But, Babble Soft is very affordable and lets you run reports and has charts so you can see information at-a-glance! It’s very easy to use and has a FREE Trial. In addition, they are offering FREE subscriptions to eMail Our Military members as well as access to a discount code for 20% off purchases for non-active military and friends. What a great idea just in time for Memorial Day!

Did you find this Sleep Quick Tip helpful?

Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!

Why Sleep Train?

The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.

When should you start sleep training?

If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.

Although, it never hurts to try to put down your newborn when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, I do not advocate beginning formal sleep training until at least 4 months old and ideally, I believe it’s easiest during the 4 to 7 month age range. Of course, it’s never too late to help your baby learn to fall asleep unassisted, it’s just as they get older and start to pull up and stand, it becomes a bit more complicated. Once they turn one, they have a stronger will and things can get even harder. As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is. It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night. That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything. Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.

What’s my first step?

Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.

What does a bedtime routine include?

The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out. I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.

You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.

But, first, do you have any special steps in your bedtime routine you’d like to share?

One of the sites I’ve been perusing, as I develop this blog, is IttyBiz, which is an advice blog for small business owners. This week there was an interesting challenge in which she asks us to answer a few questions about what we do. She asks us these questions:

• What’s your game? What do you do?
• Why do you do it? Do you love it, or do you just have one of those creepy knacks?
• Who are your customers? What kind of people would need or want what you offer?
• What’s your marketing USP? Why should I buy from you instead of the other losers?
• What’s next for you? What’s the big plan?

I thought that I could do a special post today answering these questions.

What’s your game? What do you do?

Why thank you for asking. I give advice to parents who have challenging sleepers about how they can help establish healthy sleep habits whereby getting more sleep for both their babies and THEM!

Why do you do it? Do you love it, or do you just have one of those creepy knacks?

A little of both, actually. I had a very challenging sleeper as a first-born and once I was able to function again and after months of getting him to sleep well, I made it my mission to help other tired mommies and daddies. I think the “knack” I have is the ability to retain a lot of what I read, take someone else’s situation and philosophies, use my analytical skills, and figure out some advice that can help them. My “knack” is also that I can give advice and support without coming off as a know-it-all, pass judgment or make anyone feel bad for what they’ve done up until this point. Many parents blame themselves and are really hard on themselves. We’ve all been there and when you have a new baby, you do whatever you have to, to survive.

Who are your customers? What kind of people would need or want what you offer?

Very very very tired mommies and daddies. Over 12,000 babies are born every day in the U.S. alone. Many of those babies seem to struggle with learning how to sleep and the parents of those babies are who I would try to help.

What’s your marketing USP? Why should I buy from you instead of the other losers?

Well, I see many other “sleep consultants” who are very gimmick-y. They claim to help your child sleep in just 3 days or they sell you an eBook, which is basically a one-size-fits-all “program”. First of all, very very very tired mommies and daddies (see previous question) do not have the time, energy, or concentration to read all the books out there on helping a baby sleep. And, everyone’s situation is UNIQUE, so I don’t believe just one book or method will work for every baby. It’s very frustrating to read all these stories about babies who cry for 5 minutes and then sleep all night for the rest of their lives, when that is NOT YOUR reality! That’s where I come in. I’ve read numerous books and have it fresh in my mind (call me your cliffs notes) because of all the advice I give on a daily basis. I take the parent’s situation and figure out the best course of action based on their philosophy as the parent and the baby’s personality and temperament. So, in other words, a parent should buy from me because I offer a one-on-one personal touch, give great advice, and stick with them as they go through it giving them support all along the way.

What’s next for you? What’s the big plan?

What’s next is to see if I can get paid for this service. Right now I’m doing all of this for free. So, I’m working on this website to get some good content for parents to read such that I can become a good great online resource that can be passed among many parents. I am in the process of setting up some online services that can be purchased along with a free service, which I will announce very shortly.

I hope that gives you, the readers, a glimpse about all I do. And, I hope that it makes you want to know more.

Learn more about me here and here.

I am working on a sleep training series where I will outline the various methods, from no-cry to cry, but I don’t think it makes sense to write that until I have written out how much sleep we can expect our babies and toddlers to get. If our expectations are too high, we could be trying to sleep our children too often (yes I’m using “sleep” as a verb!) and it will become frustrating for everyone. If our expectations are too low, we might not sleep our children often enough, they may become overtired and irritable, making sleep training more difficult and it will become frustrating for everyone.

How much sleep does your child get now?

The first step you should take is to log your child’s sleep for a week to get an average number of sleep hours in 24 hours and take note how much of it is during the day and how much at night. Only write down times they are actually asleep (or quiet if you’re not sure), not when you tried to get them to sleep.

Some children are very consistent and you can almost set a clock by them, while others are very inconsistent taking different length naps at different times and waking up at a different time each morning. We’ll talk about how to regulate that a bit in a different post, but one thing is for certain and that’s the average amount of sleep in 24 hours stays relatively constant. However, children can and will move sleep from day to night, and vice versa, fairly easily.

How much sleep can you expect from your baby or toddler?

Below is an outline of the average sleeper. By definition, this means some will be on the lower end of sleep needs and some on the higher end. However, it is generally accepted that most babies and toddlers under 2 years old will not need less than 10 hours of sleep at night to be the optimum restoration for their little bodies.

• 6 months and younger: 11-12 hours night, 3-4 hours day in 3-4 naps.
• 6 to 9 months: 11-12 hours night, 2-3 hours day in 2-3 naps
• 9 to 18 months: 11-12 hours night, 2-3 hours day in 1-2 naps
• 18 months to 3 years: 10-12 hours, 1 nap
• 3 to 5 years: 10-11 hours, sometimes 1 nap (most lose between 3 & 4)
• 5 years+: 9-10 hours, no nap

These are just general guidelines. My toddler was still napping at just past two, but then started going to sleep too late at night (9 or 10pm), so we dropped his nap for him, early, to get more night sleep and he started sleeping 12-13 hours at night. Note: I do not recommend dropping the last nap unless absolutely necessary. This was just an example. Combining the averages with your sleep log gives you a starting point in establishing healthy sleep habits. If your child is getting far less than the averages, you will need to take a long, hard look at the reason and determine if it’s healthy or not. Please review the reasons children need to get enough sleep by clicking here.

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Science Daily recently reported in this article that certain sleep disorders are linked to behavior issues in kids. The study showed that children with sleep disordered breathing such as snoring or sleep apnea and who were also overweight, did not sleep enough, or had another sleep problem such as insomnia, were more likely to have behavior issues.

More than half of the participants with sleep disordered breathing who were studied were either overweight or at risk for being overweight (see this post about the link between sleep and obesity).

In addition 36% were identified as “short sleepers” and almost half had another sleep problem diagnosed in addition to the snoring or sleep apnea. “Forty-seven percent had a history of behavioral problems and 23 percent had a reported diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).” Researchers were surprised that the strongest predictor of behavior problems was not the severity of the sleep apnea or snoring, but the presence of another sleep problem such as insomnia.

Of course, I notice my eldest son’s behavior plummet when he stops getting enough sleep. Just last week he accidentally napped and it resulted in he not falling asleep until 9:45 p.m. and waking at 6:50 p.m. the next day (he usually sleeps about 12 hours). That led to yet another nap and another late night and it snowballed into 2 mornings of one hour tantrums (ugh). Pitiful to watch and it breaks your heart when you know the reason, but can’t do anything much about it. What we ended up doing was skipping rest time on Saturday, so there was no nap and he was able to go to bed at a very good 7 p.m. and he slept until 7:15 or so the next day and we had our happy boy back. So, even though he doesn’t have sleep apnea (that I know of, but he does snore a little), I did not need a study to tell me that less sleep = behavior problems. But, I thought this was an interesting study to share. I am sure there are plenty of parents who feel they are doing all the right things and putting their child to bed early, and although it appears (s)he may be getting enough sleep, if their child has more going on than meets the eye, the parent may not understand the poor behavior. As my son grows and starts school, I can see how sensitive he is to missed sleep and how critical it will be that he get enough.

Do you notice a big spike in behavior problems when your child doesn’t sleep enough?

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Is it a bad idea to rock your baby? It depends. It is never a bad idea to cuddle your baby and give him/her lots of love and affection! It’s only when rocking your baby becomes something you can’t keep up with is it a problem. Let’s take a step back and let me explain what a sleep association is.

What is your sleep association? How do you fall asleep?

What kind of routine do you do before you go to sleep each night? Do you watch TV? Talk to your partner? Do you read a book? Do you sleep on a pillow? These are the types of things you associate with going to sleep each night. What would happen if your power was out and you couldn’t watch the news or read your book? Would you have trouble falling asleep? Perhaps. Or, perhaps not. Would you have trouble going to sleep without your pillow? That might be more likely to give you trouble. Some sleep associations are stronger than others. What if you went to sleep with your pillow and covers and 2 hours later woke up and they were gone? Would you be able to go back to sleep without looking for the pillow? Now let’s look at how this concept might affect your baby/child.

What is your child’s sleep association? How does your child fall asleep?

Let’s look at how many babies fall asleep. They might fall asleep while their mother or father is rocking them in a rocking chair, bundled up and very cozy in their parent’s arms. Or, they may fall asleep sucking on a bottle of breastmilk/formula. Or, perhaps they doze off with the simple use of a pacifier. Minus the teeth issue with breastmilk/formula later on, there isn’t a problem with any of these methods of falling asleep until it is a problem.

From the time my son was an itty bitty baby, he loved to be walked, rocked and nursed to sleep. He also loved napping in the moving swing. At first this was not a problem. He would fall asleep quickly and we’d put him down. But, several weeks later, I found myself rocking him for 2-3 hours each night to put him to bed. He’d fall asleep easily, but then when I put him down he’d wake up! Ah! And, then I’d need to repeat it every 1-2 hours when he woke up. It was exhausting and I was at the end of my rope! So, we took to co-sleeping, which got us both more sleep, yet I was so nervous I’d roll on top of him or my husband or I would cover him with blankets. I’m not the best sleeper, so every time he’d want to nurse, I’d have trouble going back to sleep (and I never got good and switching sides without actually switching sides either). Co-sleeping works for many and I’m not knocking it. It just didn’t work for us and it is important for every family to learn what works for them best. After learning about sleep associations I was able to transfer him back to his crib at 4 months old and we both got a LOT more sleep then!

The problem with sleep associations lies in the fact that your baby needs YOU to recreate the environment in which they fell asleep. YOU become their “pillow” and when they wake up through sleep transitions (that we ALL have!) and their pillow is gone, they don’t know how to go back to sleep. So, the key is to allow them to go to sleep the same way they will wake up periodically throughout the night. If they wake up briefly and find you gone or the movement has stopped (as with my son) or their pacifier is gone or…they will wake up more and have to call out to you so you can “help” them once again. The beauty of this is that after they get to be about 3-4 months, they really don’t “need” you as much as you might think and they can actually learn to fall asleep on their own, if they haven’t learned already up to this point.

One final thought. I want to reiterate that rocking your baby, using a pacifier, nursing or drinking a bottle before bed, etc. are not bad things to do. If you don’t mind rocking your baby for 10 minutes and (s)he falls asleep, you transfer him/her to his/her bed and (s)he sleeps all night, then there is no problem. It’s only when you can’t keep up with the (insert sleep association) that it becomes a problem. Keep in mind that your sleep fragmentation that makes you exhausted is no better for your baby than it is for you. If you are cranky, don’t you think (s)he will be too over time? I would have LOVED to rock my son and boy did I try (unintentionally — just in my nature). We slipped back into bad habits more times than I wanted to count, but it just became a hitch for him EVERY time. In the end, I was able to continue to nurse him to sleep once he learned the necessary skills to go BACK to sleep throughout the rest of the night. With opportunity and practice we can all learn a new way to sleep, even without a pillow!

If you are ready to break undesirable sleep associations preventing your baby from sleeping well, you may be interested in my sleep training (from no-cry to cry) series. If you’d like step-by-step instructions and more details, you may also be interested in my Help Your Child Sleep, a Step-By-Step Guide e-Book. And, if you need custom sleep advice for your specific situation, I also offer baby sleep consulting services.

What kind of sleep associations do you have? What about your child?