Posts Tagged ‘CIO’

This article will outline two sleep training methods, including what many people know as “The Ferber Method”. If you are just joining in, you may want to start from the beginning at Part 1 of my Sleep Training (From No Cry to Cry) series.

You may be interested in reading about the age to do cry-it-out and how cry-it-out will not change your child’s personality.

The Ferber / Check-and-Console Method
(aka Ferberizing)

This sleep training method entails allowing baby to cry while checking on him at intervals. The goal here is to reassure him ever so often to a) make sure baby is okay and to reassure yourself and b) reassure him you hear them and are there for them. When you go to check on baby, you are not supposed to pick him up nor engage them much, but simply reassure using your voice and a loving pat for 2-3 minutes, tops (watch the clock!). The goal is NOT to help baby to sleep! That is what he is learning to do on his own! The idea is that he falls asleep in the same “environment” in which he will awaken periodically throughout the night (we all do!). The knowledge of how to fall asleep unassisted at bedtime will pave the way for him/her to go BACK to sleep throughout the night.

Here is an example of how night 1 might go:

• Bedtime is 6:30 pm (make sure bedtime is sufficiently early and don’t make the mistake of “tiring him out” first. This leads to more crying, not less)
• You do the bedtime routine, as usual, starting at 6pm. At 6:20 p.m. you put baby down DROWSY, BUT AWAKE
• Baby begins to cry immediately and you set the timer for 5 minutes.
• At 6:25 p.m. you go in and reassure her.
• If she is still crying, you go back in at 10 minutes and then every 15 minutes until she falls asleep.

Each night, you increase each interval by 5 minutes. If you can’t start with intervals 5, 10, and 15, start with 3, 7, and 10. It doesn’t matter as long as you increase intervals nightly and be CONSISTENT.

Cry It Out (aka CIO or Extinction)

This is basically when you follow the same rules above, only you leave baby completely alone to fall asleep. Some feel this is cruel, however, many feel this leads to less crying, overall, and not cruel since you have already implemented a bedtime routine and she knows what to expect. Again, this will depend on your philosophy as a parent and your baby’s temperament. At night, you do not put a limit to the crying because if you allow her to cry for let’s say 30 minutes and then “rescue” her, you have all but guaranteed that much crying or more next time and you also don’t want them to learn to cry for a predetermined amount of time. It is imperative that you be 100% consistent and follow through. If you don’t want to let your baby cry, that is 100% OK, just choose another method.

You can use one of these methods or a variation of your own. You can try one and then switch to another after a few days. For some babies, going in there periodically only “teases” them and they get angrier that you won’t rock them or nurse them or do whatever you’ve been doing to “help” them to sleep. I do not have hard-core facts to say how long your baby will cry, on average. All babies are different and temperament and level of strong will definitely plays a part. In my experience in helping other parents, the average seems to be around 30 minutes. Some babies cry 5 minutes and sleep the rest of the night. Others might cry over an hour and wake several times in the night. Unfortunately, there is no way to know what yours will do, but I’m sure up to this point you have a good idea about the personality of your child. Many people are pleasantly surprised by how “little” their baby cries and wonder why they didn’t try sooner. They were prepared for the long haul and she may have “only” cried 20 minutes. Of course, as you know, 20 minutes to a mother or father can be excruciating, especially at 2 a.m.

Crying methods generally take 3-4 nights to see marked improvement, however, it isn’t always a cure-all. Sure, there are some babies you read about who, after 4 nights, sleep through the night forever and ever. And, then there are those who don’t and you have to keep letting them cry it out. Well, the important thing is to consider what your alternative is. If rocking/nursing/etc. to sleep was not working, there is a reason you started down this path and thus, you may just have a challenging sleeper who requires more “work” than others.

In part 6, the last part of this sleep training series, I share my story.

Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!

Why Sleep Train?

The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.

When should you start sleep training?

If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.

Although, it never hurts to try to put down your newborn when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, I do not advocate beginning formal sleep training until at least 4 months old and ideally, I believe it’s easiest during the 4 to 7 month age range. Of course, it’s never too late to help your baby learn to fall asleep unassisted, it’s just as they get older and start to pull up and stand, it becomes a bit more complicated. Once they turn one, they have a stronger will and things can get even harder. As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is. It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night. That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything. Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.

What’s my first step?

Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.

What does a bedtime routine include?

The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out. I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.

You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.

But, first, do you have any special steps in your bedtime routine you’d like to share?

I thought I should first talk about my philosophy on helping your child learn healthy sleep habits.

Sleep Training

I don’t define "sleep training " as cry-it-out (CIO) and you don’t have to let your child cry to teach healthy sleep habits . Some people seem to think they are synonymous and I disagree. Sleep training starts with respecting your child’s need for sleep (Weissbluth) and doing your part to ensure he gets the sleep he needs. This does not mean throwing up your hands if they won’t nap and saying to yourself "I guess if (s)he won’t sleep, (s)he doesn’t need it." Babies, toddlers, and young children need a LOT of sleep . Adults don’t get as much sleep as they need either, but I won’t go there. Babies younger than 6 months need 11-12 hours at night and 3-4 hours each and every day, on average, for example. Some will be less, but not that much less. Sleep is important for their growth and development!

When my eldest son was a baby, several people told me to keep him up during the day, so that he will sleep more at night. Maybe that one night he would sleep more, I’m not sure, but crashing due to exhaustion is not what I call healthy sleep habits . And, I knew he needed more sleep than THAT! Over time, I determined that he almost always slept better at night, the better he slept during the day. After all, as Weissbluth says, "sleep begets sleep " and with my son, this was 100% true. The better he napped, the less overtired he was and the better he slept at night. I would say that is going to be almost always true for most challenging sleepers. After all, remember, these challenging sleepers are not those who just magically fall asleep when they are tired, these are the babies/toddlers who struggle and need help learning to become good sleepers.

Teaching Healthy Sleep Habits

I am not going to get into all of the sleep training methods just yet because that would make this article entirely too long. And, I don’t promote one sleep training method over another but take a unique situation, the child’s personality, and find a method that suits the family in question. What I am going to say , though, is teaching healthy sleep habits is done with consistency and persistence . It is putting your child’s need for sleep as a higher priority than other things you might have or want to do. Babies basically just eat, sleep and poop in those early months. You wouldn’t deprive them of food or a clean diaper, so I challenge you not to deprive them of their sleep, either . Whether you co-sleep with them or allow them to learn to self-soothe or anything in between, the main goal is for them to get the sleep they need. The #1 important aspect of how you do it, is that you are consistent . To nap with them only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, for example, will only confuse them and set unrealistic expectations . This is unfair to them. So, whatever you do to get your child to sleep, do it the same way each time as much as possible. This is not to say that some days won’t need to be more flexible or that rules won’t be broken on vacation; I am only talking on the whole.

You may also be interested in reading my article on sleep associations.

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