Introducing a lovey to your baby or toddler can sometimes help him feel cozy and secure in his crib or bed. The lovey should ideally not be larger than his head nor have things that can fall off that he can choke on (such as eyes on a stuffed animal). A small baby blanket is a wonderful choice. My son took to sucking on his blanket for a few months (never took a pacifier or sucked his thumb, so I was lucky there were no habits to break in that regard).

Introducing the baby lovey

To introduce the lovey to your baby, simply start holding it during your bedtime and nap routines, particularly if you are nursing. Hold it close to your child and he will start to associate it with comfort while you are soothing him down for sleep.

Some people are worried their child will be carrying around a ratty blanket for years to come. You can make it a rule the lovey remains in your baby’s room / crib and only use it for sleep. I did this and it worked very well and we never had a problem.

Note: To guard against the risk of SIDS, you need to be careful about how early you introduce a lovey / blanket. Please read the 10 ways to reduce the risk of SIDS.

When you feel comfortable, you can place the lovey in the crib or bed with your baby or toddler and she will be able to seek comfort in the lovey during nighttime arousals or through sleep cycles.

Replacement Lovey

Word to the wise. You will need to clean the lovey and there is always the potential of loss (through wear and tear or just leaving it somewhere), so you may want to buy a “double” (or triple) that you can rotate, so your child will never notice if something should happen to the lovey.

Does your baby use a lovey?

Infants have a strong sucking reflex and therefore many people choose to give their baby a pacifier. Some parents warn against it, encouraging you to have them “attach” to you rather than an inanimate object while other parents warn that if you don’t give him a pacifier, you will become his “pacifier”. Who’s right? No one! It will be up to you and what works for you and your baby and what works for others might not work for YOU.

When to introduce a pacifier

If you are formula feeding, you can use a pacifier from day 1.

If you are breastfeeding, it is a good idea to establish breastfeeding first before introducing another type of nipple. Some babies will have no problem going back and forth, but since you don’t know if yours will or not, it’s a good idea to wait so as not to cause nipple confusion and establish your milk supply, first. This is usually recommended no earlier than 3 weeks and anywhere from 4-8 weeks. If you just need to do it earlier (especially if you will be returning to work), that’s ok! Just do your best and if you start to have trouble, learn how to get baby back to breast.

Pacifier and Teeth

Is a pacifier bad for your baby’s teeth? In short, no. Only when your baby sucks her thumb or uses a pacifier past the age of two is there a risk of altering their bite. It is unrealistic to expect many babies not to want to suck during those first 2 years.

When a pacifier becomes a problem

There is a time when a pacifier can become a problem and that’s when it interrupts their sleep. Some parents are weary having to replace a pacifier 8-10 times per night. In this case, the pacifier has become a poor sleep association that you may want to consider breaking. Some babies will be able to find their own pacifier at night (particularly if you throw 3 or 4 or 8 into the crib), but usually that isn’t until around 6 months. Some may technically be able to, but simply won’t do it. Others will learn sooner. So, if you really want to hang on to the pacifier, you may be able to just wait it out.

When you’re a “pacifier”

Some parents feel they become their baby’s “pacifier” because they are breastfeeding and baby wants to suckle A LOT (what “a lot” means will vary from parent to parent). This can happen. My eldest son did not want a pacifier and not from a lack of trying (mostly by others because I was not 100% on board with a pacifier anyway), so yes, he did suckle a lot and yes, did develop a sleep association (I did not mind until it was ALL night long!) that we later had to break. We continued to successfully breastfeed until 13 months. He did take to sucking on a light receiving blanket as his “lovey” for several months (he stopped using it on his own), but I was fortunate because I never had to break a pacifier or thumb-sucking habit. So, when my second son came along, I actually decided not to give him a pacifier and it was rough for the first couple months, but then got a lot better and so far, no thumb-sucking, yet, either. I am hoping not to have to break either habit, again, but we’ll see.

Pacifiers day and night

If your baby has trouble sleeping with a pacifier at night, but not during the day (or vice versa), you can limit it to one or the other as a baby’s sleep is handled by different parts of the brain for each.

All in all, I’d say a pacifier can be a good solution (if you agree with the use of one), until it becomes a problem. Once it hurts more than it helps, it may just be time to get rid of it. For help breaking sleep associations or help with other child sleep problems, you may be interested in Help Your Child Sleep, a Step-By-Step Guide or my one-on-one baby sleep consultations.

Do you use a pacifier? Did you have a problem with it?

If you are unfortunate enough to consider letting baby cry it out (because let’s face it, none of us PLAN to let their baby cry it out when they are still in the womb or anything! It’s typically the last resort for most of us.), many people want to know when it is okay to do it. Some people would answer “never” and that is their right.

Here at Pick Nick’s Brain, I understand that all situations are unique and what works for you might not work for others and what works for others might not work for YOU! I am here to help you develop the plan that will be most likely to succeed based on your baby’s temperament and personality and your parenting style and philosophy. If your philosophy goes against cry it out, simple DON’T DO IT (it won’t work anyway).

First, let me define what I mean by “cry it out” because it means different things to different people.

What Cry It Out Isn’t

• Cry it out is not replacement for feeding when baby can not comfortably sleep all night without food.
• Cry is out is not meant to be used when baby is hungry, wet, very sick, in pain, etc.
• Cry it out does not mean throwing your baby into a room, closing the door and ignoring baby forever and ever.
• Cry it out is not replacement to parenting when baby needs it.

That last one some would say is always true, but I disagree, but we’ll get to that.

What Cry It Out IS

• Cry it out is a sleep training method to break poor sleep associations.
• Cry it out is setting limits on what you will and won’t allow your baby to do (at nap time, all night, etc.).

That’s it! Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night or rock your baby in the rocking chair for 3 hours and then every 2 hours after that (like my son wanted me to do). Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one).

The act of crying does nothing to teach baby to sleep and it won’t change his personality. Cry “it” out is simply letting baby find his own way to fall asleep and allowing him to cry out his frustration about not being able to get that pacifier replaced for the 10th time. None of us get better at something without practice.

OF COURSE, some parents can nurse all night and it works great for them. Others can rock their baby for 10 minutes and he sleeps all night. But, many of us are simply not that lucky. If baby cried being in the car seat, would you take him out while driving because he was crying?

It is hard for many of us to break habits, but the longer you do it, the harder the habit is to break, right?

Cry It Out - What age?

So, what’s the right age to allow baby to cry it out? Once again, this answer will vary. I try to empower parents here on this site. You know your baby best! At some point you know that your baby is very capable of putting herself to sleep, but prefers you to rock, bounce, nurse, etc. her to sleep. There is not going to be a magic age, but one day you will realize what baby once NEEDED to fall asleep, now she simply WANTS it. That is the key to finding the “right” time. You are simply at your wits end and just can’t do “it” anymore.

Having said all that, if your baby’s temperament is “easy”, sometimes all it takes is for you to just get out of the way a little bit and allow baby to fuss for 5 minutes or less and that can be done when he is just a newborn. Aside from a little fussing, I usually don’t recommend finding a cry it out method to formally use until at least 4 months old. The ideal age is usually before 8-10 months. I’ve had parents tell me they feel they waited too long by only waiting until 10 months old. Once baby can pull to standing, it gets harder (but not impossible) and personalities only get stronger, so it’s great to lay the foundation before that time.

How to Cry It Out

There are NUMEROUS variations to the cry it out method and it’s important to be responsible about it. It is unfair to just “snap” one day, let him cry and then go to him the next day, on/off, on/off. You need to make A PLAN. I also never recommend to allow baby to cry it out when she is still swaddled, because they need to find a way to self-soothe by finding their fingers/thumb.

If you are confused about how to go about letting your baby cry it out, please do some reading on this site or buy my e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide which outlines various methods and has pros and cons of each method. It’s a step-by-step guide in helping you through the process and how to achieve maximum success. If you want help developing a plan you can 100% commit to (consistency is key!), I also offer sleep consulting services.

What does Cry It Out mean to you?

Getting a toddler to nap is not always an easy task. Here are 5 tips to help your toddler nap better.

1. Age-appropriate nap schedule for your toddler

The first tip is to make sure you are napping your toddler at the right time. Some people are surprised to know that toddlers do not typically transition to just one midday nap until 15-18 months, on average. At many daycares, for example, they tend to transition many toddlers to one nap around their first birthday. While this may be okay for some (my first did, in fact, transition to just one nap around his 1st birthday), it can have disastrous results for others. Not only may it make a very cranky toddler, but they may not nap long enough because they are overtired and they also may not sleep through the night.

If your toddler is still taking 2 naps, a typical schedule might be 7-10-2-7 (that’s wake at 7, naps at 10 and 2 with a bedtime at 7pm). A one-nap schedule might be 7-12-7. Please review how much sleep your toddler needs.

2. Have a nap routine

Routines set the stage and expectations of your toddler so he will know what to expect at any given time of the day. So, to help transition him from playing hard to a nap, it is best to develop a routine. If he is on one nap, for example, his nap may fall soon after lunch. Therefore, you should not get into an exciting game, but perhaps “storytime” is a good activity after lunch. A typical routine might be a quiet game for 5 minutes, some light music, read 2 books, cuddle for a minute and then put him down for his nap. If you are consistent, he will likely start to know what’s coming next and start to get tired before you even get to step 2.

3. Be careful of how she falls asleep

It is important to encourage your toddler to fall asleep a certain way that he can go BACK to sleep after his sleep cycles. We all wake periodically while we sleep going from deeper sleep into lighter sleep and back into deep sleep, again. It is when she is in lighter sleep and needs to go into deep sleep again, but is no longer rocking or sucking a pacifier or nursing or some other sleep association that she has trouble going back to sleep, making for a too-short nap. Encourage her to learn to fall asleep without your assistance. Of course, if you enjoy the snuggle and she takes a nap that is at least one hour (the minimum to be considered restorative), then it’s not a problem at all for you to do that.

4. Avoid snoozes

Have you ever napped at 6 pm and then had trouble falling asleep at your normal bedtime of 10 pm? Similarly, a short snooze in the car, stroller, etc. may recharge your toddler making it hard for him to nap during his normal nap time. If you know he gets sleepy around a certain time, try to avoid car rides or walks in the stroller.

5. Have a set amount of nap time

Establish a “nap hour” where your toddler will be in bed, regardless if he is asleep. This gives him some down-time, away from the household hustle and bustle, at the very least. And, it gives you, mom and dad, a much needed break to recharge yourself. If he naps 45 minutes and you leave him alone for another 15, he just might drift back off to sleep. If you are consistent, they will come to expect that their nap hour is just that, and will either play or learn to sleep at least that long. Sometimes all they need is 5 minutes to drift back off to sleep.

Need more help with your toddler’s sleep problems?

If you need more help with your toddler’s sleep, you may be interested in my e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide which discusses toddler sleep issues such as waking up too early (or going to bed too late), transitioning to a big boy bed, and more! Or, you may be interested in custom sleep advice for your unique child and situation.

Do you have any toddler napping tips? Please share!

I received a question through my Ask Nicole e-mail address (asknicole [at] picknicksbrain [dot] com) this week. It came at the perfect time because I was contemplating what to write about for my blog posts this week (I try to post every Tuesday and Thursday and have a lot of ideas, but like to vary topics) and it was a good question. The gist of the question is whether it’s OK to put a 9-month old on his tummy to sleep.

First, Back to Sleep

It is highly recommended to place your baby on his back to sleep to reduce the risk of SIDS. If you haven’t already, please review the ten ways to reduce SIDS risk, one of which is to make sure baby sleeps on his back to sleep. Some parents are worried baby will choke on spit-up, but babies will automatically swallow fluids or turn to the side. The #1 way to reduce the risk of SIDS is to put baby “back to sleep”.

When can baby sleep on his tummy?

So, when can we put our babies on their tummy to sleep? Please note you should check with your pediatrician, first and foremost. I am not a doctor, but it is my understanding that once your baby can roll onto her tummy, it is OK to allow her to sleep that way and you do not need to worry about continuously flipping her back over. Dr. Sears’ website states “It does not mean that if your baby sleeps on her tummy she’s going to die of SIDS. Current SIDS rates are around one in a thousand babies; meaning that there’s a 99.9 percent chance your child will remain a healthy little girl regardless of her sleep position.”

Some babies start to roll and don’t like it and wake you up numerous times per night. That is never fun. I was lucky that once my son learned to roll that way, he actually slept better!

But, what about older babies?

Even though SIDS can happen anytime in the first year, the peak risk for SIDS is between 2 and 4 months old and 95% of all cases have occurred before 6 months, so that is probably less of a concern in a baby as old as 9 months old (the question at hand I mentioned at the beginning of this post). Many babies are rolling by 9 months old and likely would roll in their sleep, too.

Should you “force” tummy sleeping to get better sleep?

While encouraging your baby to sleep on his tummy when he hasn’t done it himself can work, it may be difficult to implement. It is best to develop a plan that you can 100% commit to and the #1 question to ask yourself when you consider a plan such as this, is whether you can stand at the crib and rub/pat his back for 2 hours. Of course, most babies probably will not take that long, but in most cases, if you had to visit this site, you do not have an “easy” sleeper and thus, certain methods may take a little longer than with other babies (especially in this case if he isn’t used to sleeping on his tummy). While some may drift off to sleep in 5-10 minutes, yours might take 30, 60 or 90 minutes. The #1 key is to be consistent with your plan, so make sure whatever you choose to do, you feel 100% committed you can stick with it for as long as it takes and then hope he doesn’t take that long. Of course, you will never know unless you try, either.

However, as with any method, you should be very careful not to create yet another sleep association that you will need to break. Don’t break one sleep association in exchange for another. That’s very important!

When did your baby start to sleep on his tummy?

When you bring your baby home no one tells you that “sleep like a baby” only lasts a short time. This article will give you 10 tips to help your newborn sleep better.

Disclaimer: Before I get to the 10 tips to help your newborn sleep, I thought I should note that it can be dangerous for a new newborn baby (just a few weeks old) to sleep all night. They really do need to eat at least every 3 hours in those early days so they can grow well and thrive.

It is also safest to place baby on his back to sleep, to guard against SIDS. You may be interested in other ways to lower SIDS risks.

There, now that I got that out of the way.

Newborn Sleep Tips Start Here

1. Short Wake-time

The first week or so, your newborn baby will most likely hardly be awake, but after the first week or two, the #1 key with your newborn is to keep wake times very short, at first. You should soothe your baby for sleep after just 1-2 hours of wake time TOPS. You should look for signs that she is getting sleepy and start soothing her. If you wait until she is fussy, cranky or crying, you are actually too late!

An overtired baby will have more trouble settling down and going to sleep and staying asleep. My boys always fell asleep easiest when I caught them before they started to fuss and cry. Some babies are much more sensitive to being overtired than others, so while others will barely notice their child get sleepy before she drifts off to sleep, others will begin to realize just how in tune with their baby they need to be!

By wake time, I mean to include feedings and diaper changes and disregard how long her last nap was. For example, little Suzie starts to nap at 8am and sleeps for 3 hours. She eats at 11am and you change her diaper. Now, it’s 11:30 and you decide to give her a bath. At 11:45, she is fussy. She is already overtired and she needs a nap! In the beginning, they can’t go long before getting tired and overstimulated.

2. Swaddle

To help mimic the feeling of the womb, it helps to swaddle your newborn baby. This basically means to wrap him up in a blanket like a little burrito. You may have seen them do it at the hospital. This helps him feel safe and secure and also helps him stay asleep during any moro reflex or startle reflex moments. It is said that those reflexes are similar to how we have the feeling we are falling while falling asleep. It can take up to 4 or 5 months for your baby to stop the startling.

I recommend The Miracle Blanket for swaddling. It is a little pricey, but so easy to use and so hard for your baby to break out of! So worth it, to me! If you can’t or don’t want to spend that much, try this SwaddleMe Wrap

3. Days bright / Nights dark

Although you might be tempted to keep things quiet and darker for your newborn to nap well, it might prolong the day/night confusion that almost all newborns will have. Day/Night confusion can last up to 6 weeks. When she was in mom’s belly, mom’s movements lulled her to sleep and when mom was resting, she’d have a party. When she comes out, she doesn’t know she should act in the complete opposite fashion.

So, keep days bright and upbeat and nights, dark and boring, and it will help your newborn sort out her days and nights faster. This might be more than you want to know, but light is what cues our eyes to tell us to stay awake or whether it’s time to sleep.

4. Limit naps

If he is taking longer to sort out days and nights (or you are having a very rough time keeping up with him being up all night), you can further speed up the process by limiting naps to no longer than 3 hours during the day.

5. Post-feeding routine

To help your newborn baby sort out day and night sleeping even more, you may want to develop a play routine after she eats during the day. Keep her awake 30 minutes after feeding by playing, singing, bathing, etc. Again, the light stimulating her eyes will help her sort out that daylight is for being awake at least a little bit. Many people recommend the eat-play-sleep routine for newborns. This is the primary message of the popular book, On Becoming Baby Wise. You might want to review my explanation as to why I do not recommend this book, though.

6. Co-sleeping

Sometimes it helps to have your newborn in the room with you for quick access for middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes. This also can help give him more comfort being close by as he will be able to hear and smell you. For safety reasons, you should use a Co-Sleeper , sleep positioner, or bassinette, rather than have baby in bed with you. I used the second one with my second son and then I moved it into his crib for a seamless transition to his crib. We were able to remove it a few weeks later.

7. Angle the mattress

For babies who spit up a lot or have reflux, it helps to angle the mattress when he sleeps, so baby is not flat on his back. You’ll want to angle the mattress so his feet are lower than his head, so his stomach contents can stay put. To angle the mattress, you can simply change the support platform level on one side on most cribs. If that is not feasible, you can put blankets and pillow under the mattress. Please note that the mattress should still remain flat at all times, just at an incline. You must make sure that you do not tilt the mattress so much that your baby slides down the bed, either. I strongly recommend that you first check with a knowledgeable health care provider to make sure that what you do is best and safest for your child. I only wanted to highlight the idea.

8. White Noise

White noise is made up of the sounds like a fan whirring, vacuum cleaner, hair-dryer, etc. It helps a newborn sleep because inside mom’s womb was all white noise. The sound of her blood flow, heart beating, etc. That’s why he finds comfort when you may run the vacuum cleaner. My son used to love when I turned on the blow-dryer. Of course, you can’t run the vacuum all day, so I recommend getting a White Noise machine, sound machine or a White Noise CD. I have two of the second one in each boy’s room so they don’t wake each other and they work like a dream!

9. Wear baby

For particularly fussy babies or just for parent’s convenience and snuggling, it helps to “wear” baby using a sling. They get very folded up in a sling, but again, it mimics the womb and babies love it! I didn’t use a sling with my first, but used a BabyBjörn Baby Carrier and loved it! It really helped me walk off the baby weight, which was a bonus. But, with my second, I did use this sling (there are many others!) and my son would fall asleep in less than 5 minutes until he grew out of it. This helped tremendously when I needed to cook dinner and do stuff with my toddler, at the time. I have also heard good things about the Moby Wrap and the Maya Wrap.

Here are ten reasons to wear your baby.

10. Swing

As I said earlier, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep while in the womb, so I also recommend trying a swing, but don’t be surprised if your newborn only likes it at high speeds. Our family teased us we were making our first son “drunk”, but he just loved it going FAST and it was the only way he’d fall asleep in it! We used something like this swingto help him sleep (I don’t see the exact one I used anymore — guess I’m officially old now). My friend has the Fisher-Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Cradle Swing and loves it. They didn’t have that when I was shopping for one!

Important Note: It is not recommended to allow a newborn to sleep in a carseat.

Unfortunately, some of these tips do create sleep associations, but during the first weeks, you really do what you can to survive. Obviously, it never hurts to try to put your baby down to sleep without any of these “tricks”, but as I’ve probably said a billion times already on this site, it just doesn’t work for all of us.

For more product and site recommendations, please view my sleep resources page.

For additional information on helping your child sleep, you may be interested in our free guide, 5 Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night or our e-Book, Help Your Child Sleep, a Detailed Guide.

Do you have any tips to help newborns sleep?

Many new parents want to know when their newborn will sleep on a schedule or what the baby’s sleep pattern will be. This post will outline the average newborn’s schedule and sleep patterns.

Newborn Day / Night Confusion

When your son or daughter was in mom’s womb, mom’s movements lulled baby to sleep and when mom rested, you may have noticed he or she perked up. Once she is born, she does not automatically know she is supposed to do precisely the opposite! It takes a few days to several weeks for this to be sorted out, but it will get sorted out. Of course, this is tiring for us, parents!

Newborn Sleep Patterns

When your baby is first born, he will sleep more than be awake. They sleep about 16 hours per day and wake time includes any feedings. As the weeks go by, they will be able to stay up longer, but still sleep 14-16 hours in a 24-hour period by one month of age. By 3 months old, the average amount of sleep in 24 hours is still 14 hours.

A newborn will also cry 1-2 hours per day (in total, not all at once, usually). This is normal. It is the only way she can communicate to tell us whether they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, wet, etc. Unfortunately, some babies will develop colic (bouts of intense crying that’s difficult to soothe and the causes unknown) when they are just a few weeks old. The crying might last hours per day and colic usually ends around the 3-4 month mark, hopefully not longer.

Newborn Sleep Schedules

Depending on your baby’s sensitivity level to being overtired, a schedule may not form until after he is 6 months old or longer. My first son, who is the primary reason this site even exists, did not get “good” at a schedule until 7 1/2 months because he just could NOT stay up long enough without becoming so cranky.

Many parents desire a schedule much sooner, but if your baby is sensitive to overtiredness, you will only sabotage your own efforts because he will get overtired and fight sleep more, not less. This is one of the most misunderstood facts of a baby’s sleep needs, in my experience. Many people might tell you to keep your baby up such that he will sleep more at night and other advice like that (I heard a lot of it when my son was such a challenging sleeper!). Unfortunately, this will only lead to more and more sleep deprivation that will make him fight sleep more and thus lose more and more sleep until he’s one big overtired cranky mess. If that is what has brought you to this site today, try to keep wake times short and become in tune with when baby needs to sleep just as much as you are in tune with when he needs to eat and some of your problems may be resolved as simply as that.

Consistency

For some babies, they may be consistent from the very beginning while others remain inconsistent the rest of their lives. Depending on your personality, this can be very frustrating. If you get frustrated by your baby’s inconsistency, take a look within and ask yourself these questions:

• Do I go to bed at the same exact time every night?
• Do I wake up at the same time every morning?
• Do I wake up to go to the bathroom at night at the same time?
• Do I get hungry and eat meals at the same exact time every day?

If you answered no to any of those questions, you are likely realizing that your baby isn’t much different than maybe you are! If you answered yes to all of them and your baby does not follow suit, ask your partner or make sure you brought the right baby home. Kidding! I have no scientific basis for thinking this is a hereditary, just a hunch.

My first son was and still is highly inconsistent. Although I am too, it’s still hard to parent sometimes, especially given my “planning” personality. I used to log and log and log looking for patterns and all I found was that he had none. It took a long time, but I finally had to let it go and realize the only thing consistent about him would be that each day would be different. And, it was. Looking at myself and my own patterns helped me take the pressure off him to be the same every day. Regardless if your baby is consistent or not, the same sleep patterns generally emerge from all newborns.

For more help on your newborn’s sleep, please see my post outlining 10 tips to help your newborn sleep.

Today I will start a series of posts outlining the variety of sleep training methods that I recommend. I will post them in order (as I interpret them) from no (or very little) crying to the most (potential) crying. There are many variations of these methods, so I am only going to highlight the main gist of each method. Every parent can add tweaks here and there to accommodate their unique style and situation. At the end of the series, I will tell my story of my first son and, eventually, my second. So, let’s get started! I’m anxious to share this information!

Why Sleep Train?

The primary goal of sleep training is to help your baby learn how to fall asleep on his or her own. We often do not give babies enough credit that they can learn to do this when they are very young. Habits become harder and harder to break as they get older, and I have had people tell me that even waiting until 8 months has felt too late. It is also important to understand how sleep associations work and why it’s often the only thing standing in your and your baby’s way of getting a good night’s sleep. The same way sleep deprivation and sleep fragmentation are hard on you, it’s hard on your baby, too. Not enough sleep can lead to obesity and other problems, as well.

When should you start sleep training?

If you have an “easy” sleeper, you probably already had it done at just a few weeks old. Some babies simply start sleeping all night. I have said before, this website is not really geared towards parents of those babies. It’s simply not that easy for all of us.

Although, it never hurts to try to put down your newborn when (s)he is still awake and see if (s)he will drift off unassisted, I do not advocate beginning formal sleep training until at least 4 months old and ideally, I believe it’s easiest during the 4 to 7 month age range. Of course, it’s never too late to help your baby learn to fall asleep unassisted, it’s just as they get older and start to pull up and stand, it becomes a bit more complicated. Once they turn one, they have a stronger will and things can get even harder. As always, this depends on the baby and thus, as usual, I urge you to decide for yourself when the “right” time is. It has to be right for you and your baby and you know your baby best. You must be in a place that you can 100% stay consistent and stick with it. That is an important step in any and all methods you choose. I have seen some parents start as early as 8-10 weeks and I’ve helped others get their 2 or 3 year old sleeping all night. That is an important item to note for those who believe that all kids will grow out of not sleeping all night. I’m sure you’ve seen commercials for drugs that help adults sleep such as Ambien or Lunesta. Your child may or may not outgrow these sleep problems and they become habit more than anything. Although babies go through sleep regressions, I always urge parents to look at the habits they may or may not help foster. Sure, it might be normal for some nightwakings throughout babyhood, but when your baby is waking up every 1-2 hours for a bottle or rocking in a rocking chair, this is not normal and not good for them. We ALL feel better on as little sleep fragmentation as possible and that includes your baby.

What’s my first step?

Your first step in sleep training is developing a bedtime routine. Children thrive on routine and it sets expectations so they know what’s going to come next. If every night is different, it does not cue them that the day is coming to a close and that their body should start to relax and get ready to go to sleep. When done right, part way into the routine, your child will probably start to get very sleepy because (s)he is associating certain actions with going to sleep. A routine also helps when you are away from home on vacation or special outing because the routine is the same.

What does a bedtime routine include?

The routine is up to you and your baby/toddler/child and what (s)he likes or dislikes, but a typical routine might include diaper and pajamas, a quiet game, teeth brushing, potty (if applicable), book (or 2), singing and cuddling, and then lights out. I purposely missed a bath in the routine. I did that for a couple reasons. Some people don’t want to or can’t give a bath every day and the other reason is if you have a spirited child like mine, a bath might actually have the opposite effect and rile up your child. For many kids, though, the warm water is relaxing, but for others the warm water and then the cooling off actually hypes them up a bit. In that case, you might just have a longer routine than others.

You now have the first step in sleep training. Next in my series, Part 2, I will start with the first method for those who co-sleep.

But, first, do you have any special steps in your bedtime routine you’d like to share?